Hey there, I just wanted to chime in because this is an interesting topic. In fact, in my six years or so on this board I don't think I have ever seen a topic like this before. So if nothing else, thank you for keeping things interesting around here.
) I think it is great that you are looking for ways to be a more helpful/supportive spouse. That really says a lot about you and a lot about the relationship you have with your husband. I think it is great that you are looking at the whole BFS thing from his perspective. Since lord knows that is the only perspective he will be able to look at it from for while.Here's the deal. The only real "cure" for BFS that I have ever seen is... well... for lack of a better term... it is that the person afflicted has to basically sack up. At a certain point they will have to learn to stop whining and being a crybaby, and they are going to have to get their mojo back and get back to the real world. I know that is kind of a harsh thing to say, but it is accurate. And I know this as well as anyone, because I was the most self centered little baby for about 18 months. I only thought about myself, because of my doom and gloom thoughts I completely shut myself off from the rest of the world and only focused on my own drama. Again, I know this is harsh, but sooner or later, your husband will learn that the only way to get past that stage is to just grow a pair. There is nothing anyone else can do, there is nothing his doctor can do, there is nothing his diet can do. Sooner or later, the "cure" is for him to wake up one morning and tell himself, okay this is stupid. Let's just deal with this sh*t and get back to business. Where's my wife and kids, let's go plan a vacation.However, and this is the good news, there is one great thing you can do along the way until that happens. And in my opinion this is a biggie.Don't let him focus his attention on the present. That is the absolute worst thing he can do, and I can tell you from experience of my own that that is EXACTLY what he is doing right now. All day long he is scanning his body and looking for weirdness. He is doing it 24 hours a day. It is all that he thinks about. He is scanning his body, he is comparing it to what it used to be like, he is obsessing and worrying that this is what he will always feel like. And depending on the severity of his depression over this, it will often lead to thoughts that border on a person being suicidal.Don't worry, I don't actively think that most BFS people are suicidal. But in our worst days, in our worst moments, there almost always comes a time when a newbie BFS person will think, "What if I am always like this? What if this never goes away? Do I really want to live like that the rest of my life?" And one they hit that stage, it usually means there will be some clinical depression involved.So here is my advice to you, as a spouse. It is the same advice I would have given to my own wife six years ago, when I was at the lowest of my lows. Don't let him focus on the NOW. Keep his mind focused on the future. Start planning a big trip together. Make some exciting plans for next summer, do something you never would have ordinarily done. Get him excited about something that is going to happen 6 months from now, or a year from now. Above all else, DO NOT LET HIM MOPE AROUND AND ONLY THINK ABOUT HIS SYMPTOMS. His symptoms are going to improve in time, that is just how BFS works. They improve when you don't just sit around and obsess over them 24 hours a day anymore. And it would be nice if you could kinda, speed that process along a little bit.So there is my advice. Don't let him just sit around and focus on the now. Make him focus on six months from now. Or a year from now. But don't do it in an obvious way, where he can tell you are distracting him. Get him legitimately excited about something fun that he has been looking forward to for a while. Get him to move out of that initial stage of depression. It is the best thing in the world for him, and if it works and he starts to feel better, then he might start to sack up and suddenly realize that he can control his symptoms simply by altering his perception and his state of mind. And then once that happens he is well on his way to feeling better about it all.Hope this helps. Your husband is very lucky to have you, by the way. Six years ago my wife's main concern was that I was lazy and I was forgetting to take out the garbage.
Nobody would be the same after having BFS experience but many fellows here admit it is in fact a GOOD experience.As a spouse trying to help you may make a great benefit by helping him to keep daily schedule (enough and regular sleep is of utmost importance for healing), walking together if he likes, sharing physical activites. And just remember - he would be ok. Slowly.