My Left Hand: Twitching Worries

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RockSolidGuy89

Well-known member
I have been having thenar muscle twitches in my left hand for the last few days, I normally never twitch there - so what do I do? I worry.Why do I worry? I imagine it could be something sinistet? Why do I imagine something sinister? Because if I google long enough and far enough and wide enough I kind find snippets of info posted by unknown faceless people that tell me it could be something worth worrying about.It's like an addiciton - this search for the worst case scenariobut why do we struggle to beat this?I think the answer is that we will never have certainty, and we are all searching for certainty. Yes the great likelihood is that almost all of us on here won't get a terrible disease but every single twitch is a reminder that we are experiencing a symptom associated with terrible diseases - it's hard for the bad thoughts to leave our heads when the twitches are a constant reminder that "perhaps, perhaps it's early onset" another twitch "perhaps, perhaps you are a rare case" another twitch "perhaps, perhaps at the time of the EMG you were ok but it has since progressed and now bad news would show on an EMG" another twitch "perhaps perhaps that athough you have been twitching for a while with no significant weakness, it will slowly reveal itself soon"all these doubts creep in as each twitch occurs, as I said a constant reminder of the possibility no matter how small of the rare case of the sinister disease developing in some kind of roundabout unusual way. so how do we get these nagging doubts out of our heads?We realise that in life there is no certainty about anything and searching for it is crazy....we simply have to let the power of the twitches to play games with our minds go, i haven't succeeded in doing that yet - how did others achieve that?
 
Excellent post. I've seen some top neuros over the past 9 months and showed them my twitching. When this first started for me, I had difficulty showing them to a doctor. They just seemed to disappear as soon as I walked into the doc's office. Today however, my twitching has progressed to the point that can easily show them off. The specialists I've seen have told me they see this a lot. Lots of people come in with not just twitching, but twitching to this level! The bottom line is, 99.9% live normal lives with their twitching. Heck, I'll take those odds in ANYTHING in life. The only medicine that seems to work with BFS is time. Time to realize the silliness of wasting years worrying about being the 0.1%. Just my two cents. -Matt
 
Your both posts are good. Every time I get a different twitch I worry again :(And like you BobJazzy, when I went to my neuro 18 days after first twitch I got them a few a minute, but were fireing so rapidly I couldn't show them to my doctor. He reported he saw no twitching. And I told him, I twitched on the shoulder he went there and I said now in my leg. I felt stupid.I have "progressed" in this respect. Now he could see my left foot twitches if he stared for 1 minute for 100%. But he wouldn't. A twitch a minute is too long for my doctor I think, he won't wait so long.Now for a few days I am noticing I have constant left calf twitching in the back that I don't even feel most of the time, just see... On this point if I go today to the doctor I can easily show him this as it is constant, every second for 48 hours now. So I have progressed in a bad way in life... I even had some knee twtiching last days and I am worrying. Isn't that the same nerve path, inner arch in foot, then calf and the nerve passes knee... it is progressing going up (but now leaving the arches).The funny thing is, I worry about my left leg twitches so much, as I have right leg twitches 80% less time, but my right leg has 5x as much pain as the left leg. So obviously the twitching and pain is not connected to a worrying degree...As one old said (forgot, was is Confucius?): if you are terminally ill, why worry, you can not do anything but enjoy this day. If you are not terminally ill why worry, you'll be here a lot longer so no need to worry. Worry is only justified if you can do something. In case of ALS there is nothing you can do, period. So rational mind keeps telling me that the worry is unjustified, I can not change my "path". Heck, with cancer I can even make a too late decision to go to doctor. In ALS you don't even miss that.So why do I still worry? :(
 
There has been lots of discussion among members about this. Some of us readily agree that we are Type A personalities, control freaks and/or OCD. The idea that something can happen that we have no control over is unacceptable for some of us, but unfortunately its something that we have to learn to accept.Jerry- Great quote!As one old said (forgot, was is Confucius?): if you are terminally ill, why worry, you can not do anything but enjoy this day. If you are not terminally ill why worry, you'll be here a lot longer so no need to worry. Worry is only justified if you can do something.
 
I think it's not just a worry about something that could affect us that we can have no control over....it's that we are having a symptom, constantly, that people who had something happen to them that they had no control over had, and every time we have that symtomn we associate it with the uncontrollable disease even if the probability of our circumstances is that we'll be ok - we still have a reminder, a shared symtomn that the majority of the population don't have, that connects us with that specific worry/fearimagine a world in which bombs were only ever dropped in ireland, we'll say the bombs targetted only a specific few irish people but you had to be in Ireland to have the bombs fall on you......well we have twitches so we are in Ireland :( so we are in danger from the bombs even if it is still unlikely
 
I think it all hinges on how we feel. We don't feel right because we have pain, strange symptoms or annoying twitches and it makes us think that something or anything must be wrong. If it is not ALS we will latch on to some horrid, life threatening disease to explain why we feel so bad.
 
To answer the question of the thread title, I think the reason it is so hard for many of us to move on is actually not just general anxiety, stress, OCD, type A, etc but it's the one people don't seem to talk much about here and that is depression. I think many people here myself included also show many aspects of mild to moderate clinical depression which in turn, causes our brains to think from a pessimistic perspective. Instead of focusing on the 99.9%, we focus on the 0.1%. Instead of seeing the glass of milk half full, we will always see it as half empty. Many people don't like to admit this about themselves but when we are talking life and death illness of the most horrible nature, then I am not ashamed to admit this about myself. In my opinion this is the biggest hurdle for many. I arguably twitch more now than any member on this board. I have challenged babojojo to a 'Twitch Off' of which he accepted. We are yet to figure out how to quantify this competition. :) I get hotspots with single fiber twitching in the same spot for hours. I get random pops, flutters, single,double, triple firings that just stop. If I flex, they stop, then start right back up. My twitching begins the moment I open my eyes in the morning. It is bodywide and random. All my joints pop/crack constantly for no reason. My hands are numb everyday when I wake up if they are curled to my chest. My right big toe only has been numb for two weeks and I don't know why. I had what they call the "MS hug" for two months, it left. I had the burning aching muscles like when holding up a cell phone for too long, that has stopped. My knee used to buckle all the time, that has stopped. My foot will drag or shuffle once a week maybe on just one step and that freaks me out, never trip. I am sneezing and have had a runny snotty nose for over three months.If I had to right now, I could go out and run maybe three miles non stop. I can drop and give you 5 sets of 20 pushups each. Including 20 from my fingertips. I could bench press my body's weight maybe 5 times. I could do maybe 7 pull ups, I have always hated those. I can throw my two boys (6 and 4) high up into the air and catch them with no problem. (dont worry moms, dads do these things). I can carry both boys in my arms at the same time up stairs to bed every night with no problem My point is, I don't think that an ALS patient could do those things. I should probably add that I have been dx'd as BFS by a neuromuscular specialist and got a second opinion from the director of the ALS clinic at arguably the best teaching hospital in California, she also said BFS.And even though I am only 7 months in, the passage of time has been my best friend along with this board, mostly the chat room, and some really great people, mommy, Matt, Chrissi, Zenseo, johnny, Bill and many many others, it would take too long to list. With these great givers of time, and staying away from other bad forums, my anxiety is slowly subsiding and I am slowly pulling out of this fog. I hope others on here can follow the same path.We talked earlier on this thread about some early thinkers, Confuscious, etc. Here is one from a pretty good dude as well. I am not a bible thumper but I would like to throw this one out here. It has been helpful to me."Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. The the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day." Jesus Christ. Matthew 6:34.Have a great weekend, get out and enjoy yourself!
 
One more thing that I think causes so much fear for us is the lack of a clinical diagsosis. If there were some kind of test for BFS I think it would help us to move on. Instead its like our diagnosis is no diagnosis so we are left to wonder what is causing our BFS.
 
Wow, that is one beep that you have... You have at least 20x as much twitching and this stuff than me. But I can not do even 1 pushup any more because my wrist hurts me so much it collapses. I can not carry much with left hand because of my wrist pain and elbow pain. I can not run any more because my fett hurt from the big toe to ankles non stop.As much as I hate the twitching alone I would swap with you if I could ;) I haven't seen top specialist but my rational myself don't think this is ALS, neuromuscular pain is not typical. I seem to have weakness but I think this is from the pain, if you are in pain you can not do a pushup if your wrist is in pain when palm is lifted. No matter how strong you are. The pain is crippling my abilities to do the things I like. My hands tremble every morning before I get up of the bed, this wakes me up, yes. But I would take 5x the tremble if I could get rid of the neuromuscular pain. The tremor doesn't cripple and the twitches do not cripple me. The pain does.I still don't think I am depressed. I am angry I have this and nobody knows what it is, I am sad at the same time because I can not ski this year because of this. I am still scared this can be ALS as nobody told me it isn't. But I don't think myself to be depressed. I think depressed person has a nice life and he/she is sad for no apparent reason. I am sad because of the reasons I told here. I am not sad per se. The manager who bankrupted the company, his wife cheated on him and his son is taking drugs and he looses the house and jumps from the skyscraper is not depressed in my opinion, but he killed himself for obvious reasons. Depression for me is a state you don't know the reasons you are sad.
 
I understand your rational completely Jerry. And I am not pointing any fingers at you or anybody else, I was just stating my opinion. Surely there are many people that have pessimistic personalities who are not clinically depressed. And if I can add a brief note of reassurance on your case personally Jerry, the director of the ALS clinic here at one of the best hospitals in the Western US said ALS never presents with pain. Pain becomes an issue in the very very late stages. Well after you can plainly see it is ALS. No doubt you have something going on like the rest of us, but it isn't MND. Let's call it BFS for now just for kicks and grins. ;)
 
GMayes20, no problem, it was not offending to me. The fact is, I have a pessimistic personallity, that is a fact. My therapist doesn't think I have a depression, but I have much emotional trauma going on in my personal life for years. I am more anxious than depressed, I would like to be in good health and have good relations with my emotions, that's all...Yes I heard that I present way too much pain to have MND. I know. I have something going on like the rest of you, not so much twitching as you and BobJazzy, but quite a lot twitching (from a normal non twitching perspective) and too much pain and other wierd neuro stuff... Today I was in bed in the morning and I "heard" my nerves in hands buzzing, was like internal buzz and slight tremor. I didn't move a bit. The buzz stopped on both arms simultaniously every 10 or so seconds for a second and then it started again. I know this is 99.99% related to the twitching, neuromuscular pain and numbness I have. And this internal buzz is 99.99% not from MND so I guess that makes the twitching also highly unlikely to be from that source.Unfortunately I have the other side, not only a rational one, the fearfull one. I say it is the pain I can not let go because it cripples me, but in fact it is the twitching that scares me in my soul, not the pain. I think sometimes it is not like I say (I can get used to twtiching I just can not stand the pain that I can not use my legs and my arm like I used to).On the pain side, I think cramp pain is with MND a lot. I have cramp pain in the both inner arch muscles in foot, nowhere else. All the other pain is when I want to use the muscle or joiunt or ligament it hurts. If I lie in bed nothing hurts by itself (except the hallicus brevis inner arch muscle can hurt in a crampy way and when I pount my big toe down it allways does). This pain seems like fibromialgia one.The 3 finger pain is a little better now after few months but now my wrist is in pain so I can not do pushups no more :( Yes, hand fasciculates from time to time, but that can not explain the pain. I don't have many fasciculations in that hand (although it started here in my index finger).I guess if I would be able to go to some top ALS specialist he would see straight away I don't have MND, but I guess he would not know what I have.My therapist thinks this pain is all about supressed anger and energy blockage. I would say he is nuts a year ago, now I am much closer to accept the possibility that can be what is wrong.
 

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