Join the Club: My Twitching Journey

[pokemonmaster123456]

After reading posts for two months I have finally decided to join the club.For 7 months I have been twitching all over, have sore crampy hands and feet, stiff and sore arms and legs,weak feelings in limbs, have watched my fingers and toes move on their own etc. etc. Clean MRIs and EMG and all the bloodwork. I have had 4 neuro exams all perfect. Two neuros, one from the Cleveland Clinic, have told me it is BFS. I lift more weight and am stronger than I was 7 months ago. I am a 46 year old successful, logical retired dentist,with a beautiful young wife and am expecting a baby boy in 3 months. Everything is perfect. Yet why like so many others on here, can I not shake these stupid feelings that something sinister is going on inside me. I have never been more mad or disappointed in myself for not being able to think rationally for a long enough period of time to overcome these fears. I used to be normal. Used to be strong. I guess all I am trying to say is I sympathize with everyone on here who struggle with these same feelings, and greatly admire those who have put it behind them and moved on. To those who have moved on and found that strength inside themselves, I say thank you for giving me and the rest of us inspiration and hope. I hope to be normal again soon.

 

[MarioMasher]

Remember, you still are normal. We are all normal. You just have to be a little more careful now about how you treat your body. That's all that has changed in you.

 

[SecretAgent007]

Welcome MikeM. I started twitching when I was expecting my first baby as well. I was under a lot of stress and the BFS symptoms made it worse becuase I started to wonder if I would be around to raise my baby into this wonderful world. Fear not my friend because the fear is overcomable. I think that you might just need to take a slightly different perspective than you probably have used previously in your life. The mind has two sides and you sound like the rational logical thinker just based on your post. I was too. I am an engineer by trade and I tended to over-think and over-analyze everything. Logic and reason were always on my side, but then one day BFS struck. My logical and reasoning mind began to chug away and brought to my attention all of the horrible scenarios that could unfold based on these unfamiliar and scary symptoms that were cropping up. My mind went into overdrive chugging away with the fears and the worries of what might become of this. Add to that the regular stresses of life, the baby coming, and everything else... Well it was just too much and things seemed to get worse.It took me a while to discover the other part of our mind that I usually supressed and ignored or took for granted. That's the emotional and feeling side. It only cared about the way things made me feel, logic be damned. My whole life I had made decisions based on what made the most sense for money, security, or image (how other people might think about me). I would do things that went against what I would have prefered or liked to do because it served my logical deductive reasoning. When I felt uncomfortable with something I would rationalize and tell it to fall in line because this made the most sense. This part of the mind is not seperate from the logical part of the mind though. Disharmony between these two aspects of yourself is a main reason we have fears, stresses, and worries crop up in the first place. Ultimately our stresses and worries are born of the emotion fear. You cannot rationalize or analyze your way out of fear. I believe it is an emotion that is resulting from a part of us trying to get our attention. I have recently discovered meditation as a very useful tool in bringing balance between the two different aspects of mind. I always thought it would be boring to meditate, but was very pleasantly surprised when I started to try it out. There is something about conciously bringing your awareness down from the beta brainwave state (normal waking day consciousness) down to the alpha (relaxed) and theta (very relaxed) states. It is in this place where you are able to bridge that gap between your logical mind (conscious) and the emotional feeling mind (sub-conscious) and reconcile the imbalances. I am a much calmer person today than I had been most of my life. I am much more in the now rather than constantly thinking about the past or the future. I handle stress better and worry far less. My intuition has gotten much stronger and every aspect of my life has dramatically improved. My overall happiness levels are so much higher than they have been in a loooong time. Simple truths become very evident and I see things from a new perspective that gives me clarity and confidence in the decisions I make. I used to second guess myself all the time. You are normal and always have been normal. Every moment that passes is a new opportunity to take a new direction.

 

[pokemonmaster123456]

Thanks for the encouraging words guys. Btw Secret Agent, your advice is spot on. Even my neuro says it is time to shut down the part of the brain that is constantly in overdrive, the logical and rational part, the part that I have used to get this far in life, and turn on the one that lives in the moment and notices the amazing things around me. Like my amazing wife and children. I am no longer chasing possessions, monetary success, or wasting anymore time worrying about things that don't matter in the end. All that gets me is worse BFS. I guess in a way I can thank an ALS scare for finally opening up my eyes to what is really important. Wish there had been an easier way though. Had my final neuro exam and EMG today. After 7 long months, all clear, all good. Another lesson learned is to trust your doctor in the first place, who always said from day one it was a benign issue. That would have saved a lot of wasted time and worry. Again, thanks to all the "vets" on this site who have the empathy and thoughtfulness to help others. Hopefully I won't be needing it any longer. Take care. )

 

[SecretAgent007]

Thanks MikeM. Just remember that you can't logically reason your way out of logiclly reasoning too much. You're going to have to feel your way out. If that confuses you, don't think about it. Just feel it. Take the right brain approach because your programming is going to naturally take you the left brain route, the way it always has.