SpriteRevolverzDemet
New member
Hello, everyone. 
Well, I guess I have found the right board, after quite a search...
I thought maybe I might give y'all a little personal history, and I shall try not to make this a novel.
I'm a forty-five year old woman who lives in Southeastern Louisiana, in an area which was hit very hard by Hurricane Katrina. I live about thirty miles north of New Orleans and my family and I had to evacuate (with five dogs and twenty six cats -- I rescue animals -- and it's quite a horror story I may one day fill y'all in on!) to another state and stay away for over a month, only to come back to our flooded home.
Our home is still being repaired, and we've run out of funds due to the insurance companies basically low-balling our damage.
Anyway...to make this long story a lot shorter...I'm going to jump ahead a few months after September 2005 -- to December, which found my father in the hospital...not doing well.
He had been hospitalized a few months prior to the hurricane for several serious illnesses and cheated death and made quite a come-back...only to have the trials of the evacuation and coming home to many hardships...knock him down.
He put up a good fight...but on Christmas day we were asked to make those serious decisions about whether or not we should keep him on the treatments which were keeping his body going.
He passed away on the 27th.
Then...a little over a month later...my mother had a massive heart attack and several surgeries...and I almost saw her die, right before my very eyes, on several occasions.
OK. To say this time was stressful is the understatement of the century.
I suffer from panic disorder/GAD and have heart problems, a progressive kidney disease with accompanying health problems, and now, diabetes.
I sort of went through my mother's rehabilitation with her...watching my diet and exercising for the first time in about three years...and, gradually, by July...I wasn't quite so numb....and I was ready to start socializing, again...and made plans to go out with my best friend for my birthday, after the fact, as we both had to keep calling off our night out because of health problems and life stuff.
Anyway...I spoke with my best friend one evening, getting all excited about our plans for the following night...and the next morning her husband called me to tell me she died at midnight.
So sudden. She was only forty-five years old, and as healthy-as-a-horse according to her last physical.
We later found out it was a heart problem caused by a particular type of surgery she had...and she had a massive heart attack...while in the bathroom, standing at the sink.
I knew her for over forty years...and since I was an only child...she was the closest thing to a sister I ever had. I loved her sooo much!
I'm still not right, but am at least accepting it.
Well, trying to move on....I had a couple of disappointing doctor's visits, pertaining to my diabetes and a couple other things...and I really started to buckle down on healthy eating and exercise at the end of February.
This of course caused me anxiety...and dealing with trying to finish my house...and other things have had me very anxious for the past few months. More anxious than usual.
The company for which my husband works has changed hands three times since last October, as have our health insurance companies...and this last insurance company is the cheapest and worst...and pays very little for my prescription meds, which I need...to live.
Those meds cost a fortune. One week...I documented that I spent (no lie), twelve hours on the phone with my insurance company...fighting over my prescriptions.
This really did a number on me.
Right aroung that time...about a month ago...I noticed my right bottom eyelid felt odd. Like it was stuck.
I suffer from dry eye sydrome...so I just used more lubricating drops...and it didn't help.
Then I noticed the twitch. Not a big one, at first. But...it got bigger and faster and started lasting longer and longer.
Well...I looked up eye twitches to see if there was anything I could do to help get rid of it...and I know y'all know what I found.
Well...actually....I just saw the words "brain tumor" and some stuff about degenerative nerve and muscle diseases and I got the heck off of the computer.
But...I kept thinking about it.
And then the eye twitch eased up. I got it every now and again, but I was feeling pretty good.
That was until I thought I felt weakness in my arms and legs...and I went through a week of worrying about that...only to get my first noticed calf twitch at that time.
That was a little over two weeks ago...and, I immediately started having twitches all over -- calves, thighs, buttocks, stomach, arms, hands, fingers, toes -- you name it, it was a'twitchin'.
Then...I did the bad thing. I "googled". :crying:
And I know y'all know what I read about.
I latched onto the one thing that gave me hope: that my anxiety, both over health and generalized, could be causing or making all of this worse.
I then found several boards devoted to anxieties...and found them comforting.
Over this past weekend I was a lot calmer after reading things on some boards devoted to GAD...and then the right eyelid -- top lid this time -- started in...and now it's jumping like crazy.
And I had a couple of neck twitches and a lip twitch tonight, as a little lagniappe.
I'm sort of a wreck. And I already take lorazepam (it helps, some).
So, I have an HMO, and I need a referral to see my old neurologist -- or so I thought.
I had seen him for recurrent bouts of Bell's Palsy, years ago, and occular migraines, just last Summer, and I trust him.
Come to find out from my oh-so-cheap insurance company...he's not with their "network".
Well...I'm still nervous about going to see a doc, so *please*, y'all...have mercy on this poor old gal...and please don't fuss at me or tell me I need to see one ASAP -- I know I'll go -- when I feel ready, which isn't at this anxiety-filled moment.
My mother leaves for a month long visit to Germany next week, and beings she lives right next door to me...and we eat our meals together...and she's my best friend...I'm really anxious over her being gone...and I shall miss her horribly.
I live in "the country"...sorta...and I really don't get out all that much, these days.
I just don't want her to find out how nervous I am about her not being here or my being alone...because I want her to have a great time.
That woman deserves good things. She does so much for others and is an angel.
So, I hope no one's eyes have glazed over...and I haven't bored anyone to tears.
I needed to get this all out...and I hope none of you think me selfish for wanting to do so.
I just see the kindess of all of you on this board, and thought it would be the place for me to let down my guard.
Thank you all so much.
Catherine
Well, I guess I have found the right board, after quite a search...
I thought maybe I might give y'all a little personal history, and I shall try not to make this a novel.
I'm a forty-five year old woman who lives in Southeastern Louisiana, in an area which was hit very hard by Hurricane Katrina. I live about thirty miles north of New Orleans and my family and I had to evacuate (with five dogs and twenty six cats -- I rescue animals -- and it's quite a horror story I may one day fill y'all in on!) to another state and stay away for over a month, only to come back to our flooded home.
Our home is still being repaired, and we've run out of funds due to the insurance companies basically low-balling our damage.
Anyway...to make this long story a lot shorter...I'm going to jump ahead a few months after September 2005 -- to December, which found my father in the hospital...not doing well.
He had been hospitalized a few months prior to the hurricane for several serious illnesses and cheated death and made quite a come-back...only to have the trials of the evacuation and coming home to many hardships...knock him down.
He put up a good fight...but on Christmas day we were asked to make those serious decisions about whether or not we should keep him on the treatments which were keeping his body going.
He passed away on the 27th.
Then...a little over a month later...my mother had a massive heart attack and several surgeries...and I almost saw her die, right before my very eyes, on several occasions.
OK. To say this time was stressful is the understatement of the century.
I suffer from panic disorder/GAD and have heart problems, a progressive kidney disease with accompanying health problems, and now, diabetes.
I sort of went through my mother's rehabilitation with her...watching my diet and exercising for the first time in about three years...and, gradually, by July...I wasn't quite so numb....and I was ready to start socializing, again...and made plans to go out with my best friend for my birthday, after the fact, as we both had to keep calling off our night out because of health problems and life stuff.
Anyway...I spoke with my best friend one evening, getting all excited about our plans for the following night...and the next morning her husband called me to tell me she died at midnight.
So sudden. She was only forty-five years old, and as healthy-as-a-horse according to her last physical.
We later found out it was a heart problem caused by a particular type of surgery she had...and she had a massive heart attack...while in the bathroom, standing at the sink.
I knew her for over forty years...and since I was an only child...she was the closest thing to a sister I ever had. I loved her sooo much!
I'm still not right, but am at least accepting it.
Well, trying to move on....I had a couple of disappointing doctor's visits, pertaining to my diabetes and a couple other things...and I really started to buckle down on healthy eating and exercise at the end of February.
This of course caused me anxiety...and dealing with trying to finish my house...and other things have had me very anxious for the past few months. More anxious than usual.
The company for which my husband works has changed hands three times since last October, as have our health insurance companies...and this last insurance company is the cheapest and worst...and pays very little for my prescription meds, which I need...to live.
Those meds cost a fortune. One week...I documented that I spent (no lie), twelve hours on the phone with my insurance company...fighting over my prescriptions.
This really did a number on me.
Right aroung that time...about a month ago...I noticed my right bottom eyelid felt odd. Like it was stuck.
I suffer from dry eye sydrome...so I just used more lubricating drops...and it didn't help.
Then I noticed the twitch. Not a big one, at first. But...it got bigger and faster and started lasting longer and longer.
Well...I looked up eye twitches to see if there was anything I could do to help get rid of it...and I know y'all know what I found.
Well...actually....I just saw the words "brain tumor" and some stuff about degenerative nerve and muscle diseases and I got the heck off of the computer.
But...I kept thinking about it.
And then the eye twitch eased up. I got it every now and again, but I was feeling pretty good.
That was until I thought I felt weakness in my arms and legs...and I went through a week of worrying about that...only to get my first noticed calf twitch at that time.
That was a little over two weeks ago...and, I immediately started having twitches all over -- calves, thighs, buttocks, stomach, arms, hands, fingers, toes -- you name it, it was a'twitchin'.
Then...I did the bad thing. I "googled". :crying:
And I know y'all know what I read about.
I latched onto the one thing that gave me hope: that my anxiety, both over health and generalized, could be causing or making all of this worse.
I then found several boards devoted to anxieties...and found them comforting.
Over this past weekend I was a lot calmer after reading things on some boards devoted to GAD...and then the right eyelid -- top lid this time -- started in...and now it's jumping like crazy.
And I had a couple of neck twitches and a lip twitch tonight, as a little lagniappe.
I'm sort of a wreck. And I already take lorazepam (it helps, some).
So, I have an HMO, and I need a referral to see my old neurologist -- or so I thought.
I had seen him for recurrent bouts of Bell's Palsy, years ago, and occular migraines, just last Summer, and I trust him.
Come to find out from my oh-so-cheap insurance company...he's not with their "network".
Well...I'm still nervous about going to see a doc, so *please*, y'all...have mercy on this poor old gal...and please don't fuss at me or tell me I need to see one ASAP -- I know I'll go -- when I feel ready, which isn't at this anxiety-filled moment.
My mother leaves for a month long visit to Germany next week, and beings she lives right next door to me...and we eat our meals together...and she's my best friend...I'm really anxious over her being gone...and I shall miss her horribly.
I live in "the country"...sorta...and I really don't get out all that much, these days.
I just don't want her to find out how nervous I am about her not being here or my being alone...because I want her to have a great time.
That woman deserves good things. She does so much for others and is an angel.
So, I hope no one's eyes have glazed over...and I haven't bored anyone to tears.
I needed to get this all out...and I hope none of you think me selfish for wanting to do so.
I just see the kindess of all of you on this board, and thought it would be the place for me to let down my guard.
Thank you all so much.
Catherine
)