Thanks for the Bright Light Hope

[lifelesspanda]

Hi guys.(sorry bout the lame english, its been a while...)I just wanted to drop at note to say thanx. As for many others with this condition ( Mostly, High anxeity...) youve been a bright light of hope to me. It all started with needles and pins in my right foot in august. (MS after the dreadful Dr Google had his say) I really do hate that Doc. 24/7 of BAAAAAD thoughts. And then after I noticed a whiggling big toe and twitches in the arches of my feet, dominantly my right, and calves, dominatly the left, it all went to the roof in November. The big no-no apperead from out of the dark. Yeah, you all know the story, I dont have to fill you in... Went to a well renowned neuro in December and after the examination he smiled and said "Go home, be happy, youre healthy". Of course I didn't belive him (surprised anyone??) so he told me that I would get an EMG so that I would get some peace in my mind. Im scheduled thursday this week but I think I'm going to cancel the appointment. Why? Because I don't think thats gonna set my mind right. Deep down I know there is nothing lethal going on with me. A clean EMG is not the answer. I've read so many stories here about people taking the EMG and they are still not reassured. It only leads to more concern. A neuro with over 30 years experience told me I was fine. EMG is normally used as tool to confirm something thats obvious to a neuro. This started after almost three years of relentless anxiety and worry for me. In this time I've lost both my parents to heart disease, (thats what i should worry about, and i would if this hadn't been), my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes two days before my father past away, and the pressure of having a job with long hours that I don't even like, a constant lack of sleep must have taken its toll. I'm sure this is related to stress, anxeity and a hypochondriac mind. Before MND and MS came to life this fall, I was convinced that I had both skincancer and severe heartproblems. I spent most part of summer worrying about that. This must come to an end. I'm a father of four, I've got a wonderful wife, and I'm not ruining just my life with this crap, I'm certainly ruining theirs to. And thats a fact that makes me so sad. We all twitch. To some degree we all twitch. My wifes got the big twitches in her thighs, her shoulders and even her calves. Shes got the small ones in her feet. Shes got the whiggling toes. But she really doesnt care. My biggest concern is my calves and my buzzing right foot (24/7 as for so many others of us) but is that a real physical problem? Will it kill me? No, it will not. It aggravates the hell out of me, but apperently it will not kill me. All the worry it brings on could definitely cause that sudden heart stop Ive been waiting for in the past, but thats a whole other story... And, if I against all odds, out of the blue, would get the worst diagnose thinkable tomorrow, or next year, or within ten or twenty years, there is nothing I really could to about it anyway. According to a skilled neuro I'm healthy as I write this (although my calves are twitching away, and my right foot is buzzing ) and thats the thing I've got to hang on to. For now, it's all in my mind.Got to be a litte longer than I expected. Sorry...Thanx to all you old time twitchers for your ambition to make this thing manageble to live with!Best regards The swede.

 

[AussieSurvivor]

Good post, I like the way you think!I agree with everything you have said. Having said that you will have you good and not so good days. That is the reality of this thing we have, no point is sugar coating it! The upside is that you will progressively ( and it will take a little time for sure) have more good days and less of the not so good ones, as the 'abnormal' becomes the 'normal' ( mentally and physically). 'Discovery then recovery!' Looks like you are already well on the way to recovery.cheers and take careRodger

 

[Sarah]

Great post. Your story sounds very familiar. And you´re right about the EMG as well. Go ahead and enjoy your life

 

[lifelesspanda]

You're right Rodger. It's a constant struggle. And if it wasn't for this thing it would surely be something else. I mean, it's like they say: I'm not really afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living". It's unfortunatley in my nature... In this horrible thing our anxeity struck gold. Nothing gets to you as something you can't beat, something thats going to erase you from charts in a dreadful way. But let's face it: Is it really worth living with all this fear? Is this the way I want my children to remember me? As an egotistical maniac without any other interest but himself and his imaginary (?) health problems? This must stop and I am the only one in position to stop it. Michacar, I felt the same thing when I read your post the other day. It was spot on. Good to hear from you both/The swede

 

[AllGoodHere]

It seems that you have awareness of how this is affecting your life and you want to do something about the anxiety and that is good. Sometimes it takes people a long time to get to that point. It also seems that many of us here (not all) have this tendency to look for danger even when it doesn't actually exist. You could call that worrying or anxiety or as you have said, your 'nature'.I read about this study where they tested people to see how they responded to a coiled rope - some saw a snake and some didn't - then they tested with a coiled snake (fake, hopefully) and some people saw it as a snake and some as a rope. The researchers concluded that the ones who always saw the snake were wired for survival better but that this, in our lives as we live them today, was perhaps not such a great thing causing the person problems. This tendency may have been useful at one time (when we were hunter-gatherers) but is a burden now. They determined that the emotional response is automatic (we can't control our emotional response only the way we react to it) and may be hard-wired in some respects. They also found (another study) that the reaction is variable in some respects and that people who practice meditation have more control over the reactive phase (timing, reactions, duration) and were were less affected by them in general. In other words, by controlling their responses to the emotions they could ramp things down easier and remain calm and this helped them to keep their whole system (physical and mental) from going overboard and causing a general disharmony (again either physical or mental as they were tracking things like blood pressure, heart rate, etc.). Something to think about.

 

[lifelesspanda]

I think I've seen that study somewhere AllGoodHere. It makes a whole lot of sense. Although, it doesn't really rhyme well with my viking heritidge . Meditation? Why not. All remedies are good remedies, and I'll try anything at least once ). Haha, Laurent! Awesome swedish! That's the only phrase you really need in this godforsaken country of mine...As a matter of fact I'm sitting here with a beer right beside me. That, my good man, is what I call a coincidence .Skål och tack för ditt svar! Hoppar att ryckningarna lämnar dig fortare än kvickt!