Struggling with Anxiety: Need Help

[NervousnessNoMore]

So I don't want to head down the dreaded anxiety path again. Some one please slap me in the face. One of my former students keeps sending me info on their March for ALS. I read the e-mail, and it says....Imagine waking up with a twitch in one limb, then trouble speaking, and fatigue doing everyday tasks. Ok I will stop there. Of course the only thing I have after 4.5 months of this is twitching. Does the fact that my twitching is random (happens everyday, but never know where the next one will hit, and for how long). Directly point away from ALS. They never last very long either a few seconds. Also has anyone taken the "BFS in a Nutshell" to their neuro to find out if it is accurate? I can stop my twitching by moving the muscle. Also I would like to know if a neuro has actually told some one that ALS twitches don't pop up randomly throughout the body. I don't want to get the "lump in the Throat" feeling back because of anxiety, and this fear that one day I will wake up with weakness is killing me.

 

[RottenyFatFatBastard]

I perfectly understand you. All these fears coming back occasionally and sometimes very bad. I have had fascics now for about 1 year, with full neuro technical diagnostic work up in January and several clinical exams before. My worries lessened for many months but never fully disappeared. Now I am starting ovserving myself again, the full programme, watching my hands, tongue for signs of atrophy, strength testing etc, since I "believe" now things might be different..... I am forcing myself to avoid all these thoughts, often with success, sometimes not. It that doesn't help I find it a solution to by pragmatic and schedule another neuro visit for reassurance.It is all not so easy sometimes for anyone with BFS. Most importantly: stay away from searching the web or, even worse Medline. I am an MD myself (not neuro). A good paper, however, ist the following and I read it occasionally to calm down: Thius is only the link for the abstract, but you will get the sense.

 

[EyeoftheWild]

OK, here's your slap. Do you actually want to be talked down? I think you (we) know exactly what we are doing when we freak out. It's like planning. Humans are pretty good at organizing things, from parties to freak outs, and that is exactly what is happening here. You've created a loop in your brain that allows to actually plan, to the letter, how awful you are going to feel. Gee, that sucks, doesn't it? Except, we can also plan, and very much should plan, how great we are going to feel. That's right, feeling great takes planning too, and just like anxiety, depression, and OCD, it is also contagious. ) ) ) When we are full of fear, or afraid of being anxious, what do we do? I'll wait while you think about it. (insert theatrical pause here) OK, so you've thought about it...great. ) Did you come up with: We try NOT to feel afraid/anxious? Well, that would be right. The problem with that answer is that when we run and try to hide from fear, we aren't moving toward anything. That means we aren't and CAN'T move toward feeling good. The fear/anxiety factor, in this way, become self-fulfilling prophesies. So, what are you (WE) going to do to break this crazy and vicious cycle? Well, we are going to plan better, or differently. We are going to plan, as I said before, to feel good. Our brains are information in, information out, and when that information is shytty, then that's how we're going to feel. It doesn't matter what we're talking about, whether it's fear, OCD, love, the loss of a loved one, whatever, if we program our brain to think pathologically about it then we simply won't get over it. So, here's your challenge "NervousnessNoMore": First off, change your name on the forum to something that doesn't highlight, each and every time you come here, how lousy you feel. You actually chose that handle because it allows you to feel like living sucks...did you know that? I both get a kick out of what people call themselves, and also feel sad. Look around the forum and see how many negative names there are. Also, note how people are forever going on about how "this and that sucks." You don't think that is the most sophisticated of advanced planning. I'm actually laughing, because as I write it I see how much that applies to myself.So, change your name. Come back to the forum with a new name and as you give back to people you will receive more than your giving...pretty sweet, eh? I guess there is some wisdom in the good book. LOL Secondly, begin actively planning feeling good. Enjoy your food, enjoy sleeping, enjoy the clouds sweeping across the sky, and my favourite....enjoy boinking. Maybe that's one area where you aren't having a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying. But, but, but, but...if only I could get over this, or if only my neuro would write out a guarantee that I will live to 103, or if only my granddad wouldn't have been afflicted with MG, or if only I didn't twitch when I worked out, or if only I didn't feel this particular symptom that is different from everyone else (it isn't)....ETC! All of these things affect you because you let them. You began twitching because you had a lousy movie going on in your head, one that allowed you to explode into twitching. Now, FeelingGoodRocks, (your new name) how about you start a new movie, one that says you are going to enjoy not only this minute, but also you are going to plan on feeling good from now on. You will of course falter, we all do, but in time, with practice, you will become addicted to feeling good. Happiness is a by-product of what we do and how we perceive ourselves. Oh, what's that I hear? "Is bfs in a nutshell true? Isn't that just asking for some ridiculous guarantee again so that you can plan another shytty, boring, yawnfest, of a day? Not that it matters, but BFs in a Nutshell is the best thing written on this forum. I'm rather proud of some of my post, and I've written more than anyone else on this forum, but I've never topped that one and no one ever will. That was Aaron's magnum-opus. His moment of brilliance about bfs. He summed it all up, wrote it with stunning clarity, and it will continue to help more people than anything anyone else will ever write here. Do you know why, because he planned to write something that would count. He planned to make people see that bfs was nothing to be afraid of. He planned to show that the collective wisdom here was greater than that of any medical professional, anywhere. He planned it all out and then executed it with aplomb. He did something that most doctors can't and wouldn't do; which is why this kind of writing is rare. He swept away all the crap, including his large ego, and he let the absolute truth out. Our doctors can't do that, because the education that all of us have received actually goes against "truth telling." Our educations are tied up in relentless bafflegab that is a reflection of our insecurities, rather than a rejoicing at the marvel of being on a stunning planet. See the pun, plan-it. I guess someone did plan it for us, or something, so get planning to feel good...you deserve it; we all do.Basso

 

[MarioMasher]

So.....while I was reading this post a couple of things came to mind:1. Basso, you MUST come up with another term for "boinking"......I feel like I am in 10th grade with a group of boys on that one......It can be any other creative word, just not that one. Because, I am visual, I find that word to seem like an unexperienced person going at it.....and I see it.....so make it sound more sexy...like, hmmm, you could say...."go bring sexyback."......you are creative and intelligent, your mission for today is to make a better sex word....go for it.2. I feel the new name, "feeling-good-rocks" is awesome and sounds like an indian name given.....I want to be "girl who runs" now.....3. This was a wonderful smack in the face, for anyone on here that needs/will need it. I found it to be sermon type material in a positive, not preachy way. Thank you for taking your time to do it.Blessings,Girl-who-runs

 

[EyeoftheWild]

Sorry but we are a group of 10th grade boys around here. Didn't you know? Sorry to have to break it to you.Oh yeah and P.S..... "p00p." lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

 

[MarioMasher]

Girl-who-runs-swiftly...thank you. I would come up with another term, but the last time I got romantic I made BillBob gulp and blush. I believe that was in the Off-Topic Lounge.Hey, Mario...pee pee. Basso

 

[Frumpy]

I wasn't meant for a women, it was meant for feeling-good-rocks.Mario, I guess you and I are doomed....meet me at the smoke pit 4th period? Ta ta's! Basso

 

[MarioMasher]

Trust me I have been dong much better with the anxiety then when this all started. I was taking Ativan for 2 months. I have been completly off of that now for over 6 weeks. I felt good and was happy. the bad thoughts just started creeping back in, and I found myself casually looking at the als forums again. I know that there are no guarentees in life, but I am just having such trouble understaning why I would randomly twitch without a cause. There has to be a cause. I just wish there was more reliable info about twitching. I know that we all say that no one here has ever gone on to develop ALS, but there are certainly posts on the other site that tell of people who had twitching first. Again we don't know the circumstances, and whether or not they saw a neuro for the twitches. I have not had an EMG as my doctor didn't think it was needed. We all say time is on our side, but shouldn't this go away if it is truly benign at some point??????

 

[RobbieWanderer]

NervousnessNoMore I complete understand what you are going through in your mind. I have the same logical way of looking at this also. I mean for 30 years i didn't twitch and the all of sudden i cant stop twitching feeling sore and have random jerks. So this must be caused by something. Right!?Everyone here is guilty of checking out the other boards and I have even seen people on here post on other boards, however i must say the info is consistent. There is always exception to every rule and we cant believe everything we read on the internet. Every neuro will say twitching doesn't mean anything unless it is accompanied by weakness. Now the thing that most of us wrestle with is how long will i twitch before i get weak, or it goes away. Time is on our side for one reason and one reason only. ALS deosnt hide. A person with ALS will show major symptoms over a period of months. They will have problems beyond twitching and soreness. If it is ALS it will progress and become more and more clear over time. Furthermore, there are many people on this board who can testify that they twitch but dont have ALS. While i am still trying to mentally deal with this eveyrday i do take some refuge in the fact that if twitching = ALS than ALS would be really easy to diag. Finally i wouldnt rule out a EMG. While it may not take away your fears it does give you anohter feather in your cap on why you dont have ALS.Hang in there and try to enjoy each day

 

[BarbiePetals]

I know where you are coming from also. I have had twitching everyday for the last 18 months. There were times I have been terrified followed by times where I just didn't care only to have days again where I was terrified all over again. It's a vicious cycle and it's hard to break. Just today I was thinking to myself "what the heck is this?" How can I twitch this much and it mean nothing? Then I think after 18 months it can't be nothing bad. It's very hard to deal with mentally. I think the biggest problem is not having an answers. I still say time is the only medicine for BFS. You will get there.

 

[MarioMasher]

I'm not trying to bully or belittle you, I am trying to help you. The last thing you EVER want to do is go to an ALS board. And (this isn't specifically directed at you) I don't want to hear the tired old excuse "You know we all do it."Bull effing s. No we do NOT all do that.By the way I should probably point out the four phrases I am the most tired of, and that I have the least pity for, on this board. Ready? Here are Mario's least favorite top four tired BFS cliches.1. "I've been self testing again. Yeah I know. But we all do it."BS! We do not all do that! The wise ones learn to get past that nonsense.2. "If it was just the twitches I wouldn't mind. But you see, I have other stuff."So do we all!3. "My symptoms are worse/different than everyone else's. If you had what I had, you would be scared too."BS, we all have the same crap. Just to different degrees.4. "I've been reading the ALS sites again and it freaks me out.'Well then don't do it! One time when I was a kid, I bent my arm to the left and it hurt. So I told me dad. Do you want to know his sage piece of advice? "Don't bend your arm to the left," Same lesson. It's all cause and effect. You are causing this effect.Again this isn't to pick specifically on you, but it's a lesson to everyone. If you go to ALS sites and freak yourself out, you have no one to blame but yourself. It sounds obvious, but step one of moving past the freak out stage is TO STOP INTENTIONALLY FREAKING YOURSELF OUT.

 

[NervousnessNoMore]

Thanks Mario....and you are right. I was doing great for 6 weeks, then I had a relapse. Not going back there. I feel good now, and you all have helped kick me out of the "freak out" stage. Good news I didn't get that far. Before I came here I stayed on the site all of the time. It is so helpful to have people who understand here to listen....not just the voice in your head. Thank you sooooo much!