Seeking Support: Scared of Twitching

[hypomanicgirl]

Dear Support Group,I've been reading the forum for a while and it has brought me a lot of relief. However today I'm scared right out of my mind. I started twitching a month ago - started with left thumb moving side-to-side a few times, then I had a cramp at the bottom of my sole which caused the left big toe to extend to the side. None of these events were repeated since. I had numbness in my left arm and leg and pins and needles as well. I went to see my family doc and he said it is probably multiple muscle injury (did have a knot in my back) and said that numbness in both hand and leg is usually caused by something more serious, such as MS or a brain/spinal tumour, which he did not think it was. He did reflex, strength and balance tests and declared me fine. I've had trouble with hypochondria since I lost my mom as a child. She did have a malignant tumour in her spine, so you can imagine. I'm also a cyberchondriac and keep googling symptoms until I drive myself to madness. After this doctor's visit I started twitching all over and I also have clonus type muscle jerks in hands, fingers, shoulders, legs. I vaguely remember that I've had all these sensations before in my life, only I did not pay attention to it because I was not reading about ***. What do you know, as I "educated myself" about you know what, my anxiety reached just about unbearable levels, and my throat closed up, my jaw got tight, had difficulty swallowing and I had trouble articulating or finding the right words. I rushed back to the doctor who repeated the strength, reflex and balance tests and said that the distribution and presentation of my symptoms do not indicate MS, tumour or neurological disease. Unfortunately this only kept me relaxed for a day or two and I continued to worry, watching myself like a hawk. I am now conscious of every faulty attempt to swallow (and can hear it, amplified) and especially worried about any speech issues.I'm 46 and fairly active. I mostly jog and do Pilates. Lately, to prove that I'm strong, I've been working out with weights. Heck, I lifted my husband's weights just to prove I can do it. This of course caused further muscle pain and may have even contributed to my ongoing twitches and muscle jerks. What freaks me out momentarily is my flabby skin. This did not happen overnight, however before this nightmare, I wrote it off as a normal sign of aging. I just don't know how much of that flabby, loose skin is normal. My weight is more or less the same but I probably lost a little bit of weight recently from stress. I have cellulite and all the joys of perimenopausal womanhood. Recently I noticed various dents in my hands. Frankly, I don't know if they were there before. My doctor did not find any weakness here but I find myself very clumsy - I'm literally shaking inside from anxiety.Anyone else had similar experiences (especially ladies my age)? I'm leaving to Europe in a week and would be nice to have some piece of mind. Much much thanks. Kat.

 

[Krackersones]

As someone with health anxiety, I know where you are coming from. My advice is to stop doing anything to an extreme (all exercise should be in moderation) and stop looking for or analyzing things. I know from personal experience how hard this is but doing these things never helps and only makes things worse. Decide that any problem worth worrying about will have to be so severe that you cannot ignore it if you tried or so severe that others notice it as well as you. Trying to pick up on subtle things will not only lead to lots of false alarms but with neurological problems subtle things do not aid diagnosis or prognosis from what I have seen. I'm all for having the standard tests (MRIs, EMGs, etc) but after these tests noticing a small neurological change early is not like cancer. There seems to be no benefit. And if you have health anxiety, you will almost certainly pick up non issues and worry about things that were always there, are nothing, or are being caused by anxiety itself.Think about all the things you will be doing and enjoying in Europe and if a thought is not about that don't let it in. Tell yourself "I'll think about that stuff later. I'm too busy enjoying myself right now." I have had muscle jerks, cramps, problems swallowing, loose skin, all before the onset of my current twitching ordeal. My current ordeal involved a sudden widespread nonstop surge of twitching that made me realize something was going on. It got my attention. I was not looking for it. Now when I get a muscle jerk or cramp or have trouble swallowing I do think about it a bit differently but they are not new phenomenon for me and I try to remember that. Everybody gets these symptoms now and then. It is the severity of these things and the other debilitating symptoms (like not being able to walk, talk, or lift everyday objects) that go with them that puts them in a different category. It is like the difference between a headache that is annoying and a headache that keeps you from getting off the couch or opening your eyes. The former does not send most people into a panic but the later is worthy of concern and a trip to the doctor.I can tell from your post how much you are looking forward to a great vacation. I know you have what it takes to get past all this stuff and enjoy every second of it. Everyone struggles with worry and anxiety whether they acknowledge it or not. It is what makes us human. Enjoying the here and now is a choice. Everyone says that because it is absolutely true.Krackersones

 

[hypomanicgirl]

Dear Krackersones,Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you noticed I emphasized my health anxiety as deep down I believe this is all behind this. If anything, I'm angry with myself that I let this thing take a hold of me and will follow your advice to try hard and ignore it. I have not officially been diagnosed with BFS, have not had an MRI or and EMG. Because of this, I feel more vulnerable, although my doctor was never wrong before about anything throughout my infamous history of various health "emergencies". Yes I do want to enjoy this trip and most of all, I don't want to destroy it for my husband, who does not deserve to be subjected to my constant worries. Cheers, Kat.

 

[Krackersones]

hypomanicgirl,I should add that if you are just having isolated cramps, twitching, tingling, or jerking a few times a day that are not bothersome at all, I would not even bother with asking for an MRI or EMG. I only had these because my symptoms were literally happening head to toe and every day and were interfering with my life. It was causing real discomfort. It sounds like your symptoms may actually not even be happening daily. If that is the case, then this really is probably not even worth a second thought let alone any tests. Even after having lots of tests and having some of them show abnormalities, I still have full strength and no serious diagnosis. I have been told they aren't sure what the problem is and maybe it is immune related. They say they are 99.9% it is not the worst of diseases and will probably never cause me any serious problems. I am 37. I teach middle school in a Los Angeles public school full time. I can still hike up steep mountains for hours. I can do high-impact aerobics and lift weights for an hour and a half with no problems. I just have had this horrible twitching for 14 months. So even if your symptoms get much more widespread and constant, even then it can still be nothing that serious and compatible with a normal life. My story is like many others on this board.I added all of the above because I know people with health anxiety like myself are prone to wanting tests to make them feel better, but with this stuff you really do not need the tests if your symptoms are as minor as you describe.Krackersones

 

[Quickrider]

Hi KatI am about 10 years older than you but about two years ago I really began noticing the loose flabby skin especially on my hands. I have expressed my concern to various doctors who don't seem to think there is anything wrong. One doctor told me his hands were worse than mine and I said, "But you're older than me." but in all probability, he was probably about the same age.One day I went into a washroom in a department store and dried my hands with the blow dryer. The air that came out of the dryer was stronger than usual and as I looked in the mirror, I could see my skin on my hands and arms rippling like water being blown by wind. It really freaked me out. I have since come to the conclusion that at a certain age we start to lose collegan and that is the reason for the loose skin.Try not to worry. You sound like you're really strong and healthy. Don't let this anxiety ruin your vacation.Sandra D

 

[hypomanicgirl]

Jro:The twitching itself causing me less discomfort than the anxiety. I have twitches and muscle jerks daily and it's most noticeable at night. What I really hate is the tightness in my tongue and the speech difficulties. I have to use my voice all day so this is not a good thing. I suspect I have GERD or laryngeal reflux plus TMJ and tight neck muscles adding to it. You're right, all these stupid symptoms are meaningless in the abscence of significant, escalating and objectively measured muscle weakness. I hope you will continue to do and feel well and be so admirably strong! Sandra and tatsu:Yeah, the loose skin is probably a combination of aging, dehydration, water weight gain, etc. I'm quite certain this did not just happen overnight and it is ridiculous that I focus on silly things like that. I hope my vacation will bring some relief from this madness.