Seeking Normalcy After 11 Months

[illeraceaccounting]

I have had my symptoms for nearly 11 months. I have had every test known to man, multiple emgs, visits to academic center twice, MRI, etc. All normal. Even got the "likely manifestation of BFS" from the Cleveland Clinic. i have seen five neuros, have talked to members old and new, and think i know the facts. The truth is i can't move on. I so desperately want to but am not having success in doing so. Every time i think i am trying to, i get mouth issues like i'm slurring, mixing up words, or maybe bite my cheek. Or maybe my hand will feel weak or my leg etc. It all comes and goes. How do you move past this? I used to think time would do it but i don't think so anymore. God willing i make it to July with the same symptoms -- I will make a year. In my current state of mind, that won't do it. The truth is each time i feel that mouth issue or that weak hand, my mind goes to -- this is it. The other times were likely too early or were benign but this is likely it. THen it passes and comes back. The real test is how you handle that next symptom. I am disappointed that i have failed after all of the lengths i have gone through to give my mind proof. It won't accept it as of yet. How do you force it to do so? My mind has a mind of it's own if that is possible. It must think that 5 neurologists have missed it. I don't want to do this for another year or really another month. I want to wake up tomorrow and not think about whether i have MND or not.

 

[ShannyB63]

hi acct, there is no easy answer to this question...u will accept it when u are ready to let go of this fear cycle u are in....u have had in your own words every test known to man and they all show nothing except benign twitching...at some point u will get tired of worrying that every little twitch, buzz or other weird symptom is the beginning of the big nasty, thats what i did..and sure i have good days and bad days still...but time is a great healer...just remember that u have had the opinions of many experienced and knowledgable people who say nothing is wrong.....u dont have an MND so let it go..get on with living..u know what they say "a life lived in fear is a life half lived"....best wishes shanny )

 

[Gracer]

I applied to my speaking therapist early on onset (when the fears were very prominent) and we spent few sessions talkig about fears of death and how it affects the whole life. And I was for 3 month on rexetine, then for 2 on gabapentine and for 1 month on benzo to control anxiety. That helped a lot. i twitch much lower and when i have speech issue or percieved weakness or sudden pain in my body anywhere, it does not freak me out so much as before. I know I have to be patient and i always may attribute it to any disturbance in my life course because i know for sure that keeping regular hours helps a lot, while even moderate incionsistence causes certain reactions.As I always say, do not wait until your body will decide it does not want to live in fears (it might take years and the form of that decision might be quite not what one can expect - any fatal outcome is also a kind of body giveup). Go and seek professional help, talk about your fears with trained person. it really helps, however it might change all your life (like it changed mine, but for much better). Sometimes we become very low on resourses and need to seek help from other sources.

 

[katiemichelle]

I understand your fear. I actually started to see a therapist and had to go on some medication for the time being. I was spiraling out of control with anxiety and could not snap out of it. Slowly I am feeling better and talking to a therapist is really helping to see the root of my issues with health anxiety. Good luck to you.