NervousnessNoMore
Well-known member
This thread will be spiritual in nature (just warning everyone now). So While I will not go into the whole story of this for me (as it is a long story), I will say that I firmly believe that this whole situation was brought on for a reason. For me the catalyst was Bell's Palsy, but I do believe it started well before then. I believe that all of my recent health issues were to bring me back to God and to become a more spiritual person. Here is why I think this. For a few years I have have been stressing about getting older, and the "what ifs" of life. Then I had a student commit suicide last year. I was devestated. I blamed myself, and felt I should have done more. It bothered be for months (and on some levels still does). Then the day before i got Bells I was talking to some students about religion and church, and the theory of evolution. I didn't beleive in evolution, but said I was unsure about life after death. The next day, which just so happened to be Good Friday I got Bells Palsy. Again I was devestated, I felt like why me, and what did I do to deserve this. Then I realized that this was exactly how my grandfather was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. At that point it was almost 3 years since his death. I wear his wedding band to this day. I loved him dearly, and began searching the interenet to see if I could end up with MG. Then the numbness started, first periodically in my feet, then in my hands. My doctor called in transient and wasn't worried. Then the twitching started. Which took me to google. Now I was taking prednisone for the Bells, so who knows what that stuff can do to you body. I know I had insomnia, and ate like food was going out of style. I freaked out. I went to the eye doctor, and was diagnosed with very mild double vision. Then I really freaked out. I had muscle weakness.....oh NO!. 2 weeks later I was at the neurologist. Diagnoses....benign twitches. I didn't believe him. I coninued to think it was something worse. By Mid june I was on Ativan. That last for 2 months, until my wife suggested we go to a different church, and that I talk to some one about my spiritual health. Since my fear was having a terminal illness.My wife is catholic and I am presbyterian. I always went to church with her because she was the more religous person. However we barely ever went. So we decided to go to the same church our day care provider goes to. I loved it. Currently we go for the 1.5 hour service, and stay for Sunday School. I have begun praying again, and actually want to go to church every Sunday. Why is all of this important. I think God was calling me. I was lost, and confused, and he wanted me to find some answers. While I am still struggling with aspects of this, I have been off of the Ativan for 2 months. While this is a benign condition, I do believe it was what I needed to heal my spiritual well being. There is much more to this story, and perhaps I will share more later, but all I want to say is to keep an open mind. There is a reason for everything, and how you handle adversity shows your true character. I will come through this a stronger individual, and be at peace. The sermon this past Sunday talked about finding your way to serve the Lord. What is he asking you to do. I believe he wants me to spread this message. Please find what will give you inner peace, never give up that search. Many may roll their eyes at this thread, but that is ok. I know what I feel, and what I believe, and I pray that you will find the same thing.
Whatever works for you is great. If this has brought you closer to the kind of person who you, in your heart feel you are, than what could be wrong with that? I agree with you that bfs is essentially a spiritual journey. In my case I decided NOT to go to church, because what my heart needed was to be free of the pretense of going. I'm now more comfortable holding service as I walk, communing with the foxes and birds. The only thing I know is that there is some kind of answer in addressing that inkling of inner-truth that resides within us all.Best wishes on your journey; I found it to be a wonderful one...and still do.Basso