Returning after absence.

sammy123

Active member
Hi all, I was a regular poster on here a while back. I have been absent from here doing the things we do in life, and I thought I'd come back and see how everyone is doing.

As for me, I am doing great. Still have ALL the crazy symptoms, the 24/7/365 fascics all over, the fairly severe cramping in my hands, the extreme tiredness, basically everything that caused me to worry about ALS in the first place (sorry I don't use the *** substitution for ALS, I just always like to confront things head on). In short, I am still twitching, after...gosh what has it been...2 years? I had my last (and final) EMG about 4 months ago, and the neurologist (my second one) told me that the odds that this was ALS were about non-existent after that amount of time with no progression of weakness and normal EMGs. At that point I just decided that there are better things to do in life than sit at home worried about my condition, and I really haven't thought about it much since then.

One more thing I should mention, I hope this makes some of you feel better. I know someone who works as an OT in a nursing home and they recently got an ALS patient. He was a surgeon, who one year and a half ago was perfectly fine, doing surgeries and nothing was wrong. In the space of 1 1/2 years, he has gone from normal to bedridden, unable to move a single muscle, and rapidly dying. Now, I know this is a horrible story, but it has an important lesson: this is the way ALS usually progresses. His is the normal course of this disease. So many of us who have been twitching for years think that we have some super-slow version of ALS, but the fact is that is extremely uncommon. This is not the kind of disease where you sit around for months on end and wonder if you have it, you just KNOW. You would have rapidly declining function, and although it takes many sufferers a while to get formally diagnosed, it is evident from the start that something is terribly wrong, and their doctors, if they are any good, know it. Anyhow, I don't know if that helps, but even if it doesn't remember that I was absolutely 100% convinced that I had ALS a year ago. All the signs and sypmtoms pointed to it, I had every one of them. Guess what, I don't have it...and I wasted a whole lot of good time thinking that I did.

One good thing that has come out of this: I have learned an awful lot about a terrible disease, and also learned alot about a not-so-terrible condition (BFS) that mimics it but is far more common.

So take that for what it's worth, one person's story. I think my story is similar to many on here, the fear, the unknown, the bad doctors who don't know the first thing about bedside manners, the chilling late night internet research, and nobody to talk to about it that doesn't think we are insane. I guess after all that emotional turmoil, we fully expect that the ending to the story just HAS to be as dramatic, some fatal illness that will make our families cry. Then we slowly come to realize (with many relapses) that we just have some crazy little thing that makes us twitch and it feels like a false ending. An anti-climax. But I'm here to tell you that, probably for all of us on here, that really is the end of the story. I've finally decided to close the book. Thank you all so much for your support, if there is anything I can do for anyone, I will be happy to do what I can.
 
Thanks, Dave. That's a wonderful post and I can certainly relate to the 100% certainty of doom part. I'm 9 months into twitching and hoping that I reach a tipping point soon where my lack of truly debilitating symptoms after all this time convinces me I'm going to be okay. (I've heard six weeks, 4 months, 10 months...)
 
Dave,

Thanks for a great post! I love when someone has beat the fear and takes the time to come back and post about it. I think that these posts help more than anything else ever can.

I am glad for you. I wish you all beautiful things as you go forth to enjoy your life. Basso once said in a post that he felt that BFS was a blessing of sorts. That is shakes you to the core, and makes you realize how wonderful even the most insignificant things in life are. A new appreciation for everything. I hope that we all are in Your and Basso's great place eventually.

And Mendotta: doesn't it seem that whatever month you are in with this s*it, it is the next month that is the important month marker????

ristinaL91
 
As so many have said that their neuro's stated 6 months of twitching with no weakness as a good guide, I think we should go with it. Especially since I will be there in a few weeks! Works for me.

Of course I had an episode 15 years ago for 3 months, and 2 years ago I twitched for 3 months also. So...can I add those 6 months with this 5 months? Then I would be almost at a year??

Anyway Dave's news is great....

ristinaL91
 
Spicer – Don’t get me wrong, I understand how you feel, and I went through “the scare” as well. But I just didn’t allow it to continue for more than a week or so. The reason that you are “obsessed with having ALS” is not because your symptoms or situation warrants it—it’s because you’re allowing your worst fear to dominate your thoughts (consciously and subconsciously). You’re right—you’ve got real symptoms, and you can’t control them. They can be scary when you don’t know what the cause is. But you have to realize that you have no other clinical symptoms that gave your neurologist cause for concern, and you should ACCEPT THAT. Just make that your first thought every time you twitch, and stop worrying about how many times per day you twitch.

In case you didn't realize it, I was completely kidding in the post above about waiting for six months to allow myself to believe that I was OK.
 
Dave and wj-

Thanks for your support--it's the only empathetic response I have. I tell people about my issue, and they practically laugh in my face and quickly change the subject. I feel ridiculed by friends and ignored by my husband.

How long have you been twitching? Do you take any medications? Do you twitch everywhere? I spent a good part of my day calling radiologists, inquiring about how much an MRI would cost (2600). It's hard because my husband it TOTALLY unsupportive. Like last night I started to cry about how frustrating this is, to have NO control over my body, and he said emphatically, "Sarah, get a grip." Get a grip?

It's like he wants me to be chipper ALL the time (like his mom) and some days I'm just not up to it.

I am totally alone with this f***ing thing. I'd like to see how he'd react to having nonstop twitching and other salient physical sensations. And the WORST part is that I drink a lot more--alcohol, that is--which may be exacerbating my symptoms. I honestly admire people who can just move on and not let it take over their lives...I don't want to miss out on things b/c I'm, unequivocally, a freaked-out hypochondriac.

I am seriously considering staying permanently drunk for the next two years. I just felt like that neuro exam was a joke, for the most part.
 
Spicer,

I understand about the lack of support from those, um, let's just say, "outside the BFS community". If they haven't spent some time convinced that they are dying of a horrible disease, they really can't understand. I got all the same responses, and it used to really anger the heck out of me. I guess I expected people to see it the way I was and they just couldn't. That's the good thing about your friends on here, they all "get it".

I have been twitching since at least Feb of 2004 I guess, which makes it almost two years. I have no idea why BFS chose that particular time to fire up, but it may have been stress, I was going through alot personally then. I developed my first twitching in the right calf. Soon after, the left one started. These have been very consistent since that time, they haven't really waned at all. I just notice them less. I also get twitching in lots of other places, more variable, some stay for a while and leave, others are totally (to me at least) random.

I tried an antidepressant to reel myself in a little, but, although it did help, the side effects in me were pretty noticeable even after a few months, so I stopped. (My God I use alot of commas, I'll have to look into that). I do drink wine every day, not sure what that contributes, but when I was really worried I couldn't eat or drink, and the twitches continued. I have heard of people who say alcohol makes their twitching go away temporarily, but mine is pretty consistent.

I hope this forum makes you feel less alone. And I also hope your hubby starts to see what the lack of support is doing to you.
 

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