After two years of suffering I realized that I was better. Once I realized that, I noticed that I was still twitching sometimes, but twitching without noticing doesn't count. It is not the twitching, it is the anxiety. I have not had a worry connected with this in months now. Lessons learned are:
I had (have) real physical symptoms that do indeed mimic some aspects of very serious diseases. Moderate clinical weakness in one leg, twitching, real problems swallowing. It is not "all in your head." I don't know what the problem is, but I am convinced it is real.
Self-testing was the one thing that most aggravated the situation. Not only is it constantly refocusing attention on the wrong things, but it actually makes things worse by unnaturally stressing muscles.
Antidepressants were actually making things worse for me, while anti-anxiety meds helped (duh). In other words, my "depression" stemmed entirely from a not completely unreasonable but nonetheless baseless fear that I had a horrible disease. Being scared all the time makes people depressed. Some meds cause muscle weirdness, I discovered (especially tongue / swallowing issues).
Using the internet in connection with my anxiety -- even a good site like this -- still kept the focus on the bad. There were times this place was a lifesaver, but getting healthier occurred at a time when I stepped away.
I think the passage of time is the biggest healer. Given the normal progression of the worst-case scenario, after a couple of years without significant worsening, it becomes a lot easier to have hope.
Other people have said this, but believe me, it is true. There were times I was 100% convinced I was a goner. I mean, not just worried, but absolutely sure. So if I can manage to get through this, I think anyone can.
I had (have) real physical symptoms that do indeed mimic some aspects of very serious diseases. Moderate clinical weakness in one leg, twitching, real problems swallowing. It is not "all in your head." I don't know what the problem is, but I am convinced it is real.
Self-testing was the one thing that most aggravated the situation. Not only is it constantly refocusing attention on the wrong things, but it actually makes things worse by unnaturally stressing muscles.
Antidepressants were actually making things worse for me, while anti-anxiety meds helped (duh). In other words, my "depression" stemmed entirely from a not completely unreasonable but nonetheless baseless fear that I had a horrible disease. Being scared all the time makes people depressed. Some meds cause muscle weirdness, I discovered (especially tongue / swallowing issues).
Using the internet in connection with my anxiety -- even a good site like this -- still kept the focus on the bad. There were times this place was a lifesaver, but getting healthier occurred at a time when I stepped away.
I think the passage of time is the biggest healer. Given the normal progression of the worst-case scenario, after a couple of years without significant worsening, it becomes a lot easier to have hope.
Other people have said this, but believe me, it is true. There were times I was 100% convinced I was a goner. I mean, not just worried, but absolutely sure. So if I can manage to get through this, I think anyone can.
