Getting Back to Feeling Human Again

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tearsneverfall

Well-known member
I vowed I would stay away and I got on Lexapro, an SSRI. I had been out 10 mg for four weeks and prior to that 5 mg for three weeks. I was doing sooo much better. I was thinking less about the twitching, I was getting out of the house, paying more attenion to my daugther. I was becoming humana again. Last week going into week four I started getting light headed and my heart was pounding more, then I started twitching about 50% more. My BP was 150/96. I went to my GP and she said she could add a beta blocker to the Lexapro. I didn't want to take something else just to cause a differen set of side effects and to negate side effects from another drug.

My perceived weakness was way down and I really felt like I was headed on the path of recovery. The psych doc gave me the weekend to get it down and it didn't go down so they told me to off of it today and they will get back with me this afternoon as to what their plan is now.

I am so frustrated and mad. I know that I will obssess over the twitching again. Since I hung up the phone with their office I have done nothing but cry. I called my husband to come home and he can't leave work right now.

Before this happened to me I was a loving happy mother and wife of a beautiful 2 1/2 year old and a wonderful man. I feel as though everything is falling apart around me and I don't know how to make it stop. If I could JUST STOP THIS BEEPING twitching I would calm down, I know I would!!!!!!

I have twitched for almost 7 months with no changes, had three neuro exams and have been told by my neuro that I do not even need an EMG. Why can't I put this behind me and move on.

I don't know where else to turn except back here. My husband loves me, he is patient and understanding but he still doesn't know what kind of horrible mind games this crap can play on your brain no matter how loving and kind he is!

I am in therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping and I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried 5 yes 5 different anti depressants and now have worked except the Lex and then it started to cause worse effects in week 4 which is also odd to me that in week four of the 10 mg dose that it would do this to me out of the clear blue.

I know I sound like a blubbering idiot but I have to get some words of comfort today from someone who understands!

Thanks for listening,

Karen
 
I know how you feel. I have 2 small children. Monday is my son's birthday & I still have the invitations to write out for his b-day party. I can't seem to move on either. I really wish I knew how to get my life back. Several times daily I ask my husband to do strength tests and I am constantly hopping up and down on one leg etc . If the twitching subsides the perceived weakness moves in. It's not a good way to live-for me or my family. You are not alone. Maybe a different therapist would have a better approach? Hang in there!
 
I also know how you feel! This has gone on for me for seven years--sometimes I look back and think of all I have missed by not fully being there for my kids---I think you need to accept that it will stop someday but you need to stop fighting the twitching--I am trying that approach--I have also tried every SSRI and others-like klonopin--with NO results--there is no pill cure for BFS---You need to mentally get a grip--I did not want to lose my husand over the trauma of all this---It was definitely wearing on him--all the crying and frustration----So--now I am seeing a therapist and trying to control stress---also taking vitamins (omega 3, vitamin e muti vitamin and magnesium) this is all helping---When the twitching is so bad i can't sleep--the persistnet twitches-- I have taken one quarter of an ambien--that lets me sleep and the persistnet twitch is gone when i wake up---I have only had to do this three times in seven years---I know its hard to have someone tell you to calm down---that is what I tell myself every day---I need to get a grip for my family!!
Pandora
 
I'm in the same boat! I've been twitching for almost 11 months now. I still get depressed and anxious. Zoloft has been a great help to me. I was crying everyday, all day, until I got on it. It helps me think more logically about these twitches. My husband has been so frustrated with me, and I think my Mom blames me for losing her job because of how many times I called her crying out of control. The twitching has been a burden on all of my family. I feel like I have missed my daughter's first year because the twitching started when she was 3 months old. I'm trying so hard to get past this nightmare of a year. But it has helped so much knowing that there are other people out there going through it. I always felt like I was the only person in the world to have muscle twitches. No one understands how out of control you feel, but I do -- I think we all do. You have so much to live for. Hopefully, you will find some type of anti-anxiety medicine to help you. I tried paxil and it made me really sick to my stomach, then I found zoloft which helped tremendously. Take care.
 
Karen,

I just wanted to say that I care. You sound so sad and anxious in your post, I almost wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. Imagine though that here we are, a community of people with the same or similar benign symptoms, raising our children and harboring fears about all this. It's a shame that we can't have a weekly support group, but as we are located all over the place this will have to do.

I've only been twitching for 3 months and it is quite a bad case when I'm not on Klonopin. This drug helps me. I'm not sure if this is like the ones you are taking and Marie Claire said it didn't work for her, but it has helped me along with physical symptoms and state of mind.

Thinking of you in Burlingame, California!

Ava
 
Thanks for your replies. I feel better. I talked with my doctor and she was upset that the fill in physician took me off the Lexapro just yet. She put me back on it and changed me to Klonopin. I feel calmer right now but I am home today so I'm sure that has something to do with it. My daughter is napping and I am watching General Hospital which I had watched since I was 7 and haven't even wanted to watch it in months and have not since all of this. I'm lost.

I feel that the Lex was really helping me think about the twitching less but the side effects were causing me to be anxious especially the increase twitching. Funny right now I'm not twitching at all.

This crap is so tiring on us mentally and physically because the going back and forth in your mind with no periods of straight peace is tiring on the mind and body.

I also thing the SSRI's and the benzos taken together although they may help in the long run wear you down because you are taking basically an upper and then a downer to come down from the upper and that's hard on our systems. I just pray that in the end I will reap some benefits and get past this.

*beep* the internet! I had attacks years ago and took Prozac and Xanax and got better AND had twitching then too with no net to look up side effects and symptoms! It's my fault I did it but I know that is what has damaged me and many others here.

Take care, More comments and support welcome and Thanks.

Karen
 
We are all in the same boat together & will get through this! I took one Paxil and had every side effect in the book times 100. I'm too afraid to try anything else. I just want an answer. Tomorrow I get a scary spinal to check for Lyme (twitching is a symptom), MS (my brother has that) & some other stuff. Then of course my neuro HAD to say "lets do a cytology too to check for cancer" (I have brain lesions). Boy was that comforting! What fun that will be considering what a baby I am when it comes to procedures. When I had my son the nurses where making fun of me in the halls because I was such a wreck (which my husband was happy to report to me and to everyone else we knew). I am such a mental mess right now. I'll let you know tomorrow if I survive. Just kidding. I will be recovering at my mothers house with a giant container of chocolate ice cream which I can eat guilt-free since I have stressed myself thin.
 
Karen-

When this all started for me I shut down to the point that my mom moved in so my husband could go to work! Thankfully she is retired or I am sure I would have been calling her a bazillion times a day too. Thank God for meds, after several weeks wellbutrin bailed me out and has been my savior ever since. I did not eat that most of that intial time, I only drank Boost drinks 3x a day at about 250 calories a can. I was withering away, which worried me too, but obviously I was doing it to myself!!!

We all know this is really teriffically difficult--I still have a noticable crease in my right arm that I have resolved must be related to some difficulties in my neck area. That doesn't mean I still don't look down at every angle on that arm and wonder what in the hell this is. I twitch every day, still, after 10 months. To be honest, I don't care about it any more. I am always on "alert" for weakness in this right arm, which does have odd sensations like the numbness and tingling NOT associated with ALS.
That is where my obsession shifted to.

I can promise, like most of us, that with time the fears do wax and wane. God willing, we will continue to gripe away, knowing that we really need to just sit down and be eternally grateful.
In any case, I commiserate with you. I do agree with Ava that we would all benefit from a local support group. It would be interesting, too, to see what environmental factors we had in common, if any.

Be at peace, take deep breaths, listen to quiet music--I highly recommend Jim Brickman's tapes. He is an awesome pianist that has all the depth of Kenny G on the sax. Find what soothes you; I listened to it every night and it put me to sleep completely relaxed!
Hope this helps some.

ariza_z2021
 
Hi Karen,

So sorry you are going through this now. I have 3 kids the youngest is 2. I feel horrible worrying about myself, takes away time that I have with them. Get afraid you won't be around to see them grow up. I've been twitching since May. My neuro said I was fine also, and said no need for EMG. I've lost weight, time I will never get back and have made my husband and myself crazy. It's like you can't help to second guess them, maybe they are wrong or just missed something else. Our anxiety definately proves our nerves are on high alert and alot of it is not under our control. I take Klonopin also as needed, I'm afraid of getting hooked and also go to therapy. There are days I feel tired and weak and some days where I think I'm taking positive steps forward. Guess we have to wait for nature to take it's course.

Do something nice for yourself, a relaxing bath, a massage. It can help just to get your mind off of it even for a few moments.
:)

Hugs to you,
 

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