ristinaL91
Well-known member
Hi All,
I have not been posting too much lately. I am feeling a bit selfish about it, to tell you the truth. I hope to make amends today. This site helped me more than several therapists ever did.
I have to make this a long one....to understand me, we have to go back. I don't know exactly when or why, but I guess I have been a lifelong worrier and when wierd ( and sometimes not so wierd symptoms) would present a hypochondriac too. It is almost painful to say that. I have a friend who has teased me in public about being a hypochondriac, and I remember being furious and embarrassed (and defensive). I felt like telling him, well if you had the symptoms that I have, or had been through what I was through..you would be scared too! But then I guess I had to face it, I, AM hypochondriac, and an excessive worrier. I think that 99% of us on this board are. In my own mind I think that the twitches are made 100 times worse by stress.
There were definitely things in my life that were real and probably created my health anxieties. I had something called WPW (Wolfe Parkinson White Syndrome), it causes tachychardia at any given time...heartbeats up to 220 bpm. Pretty scary stuff...when I was young, I would tell my Mom. She would tell me, you are such a worrier, stop worrying...your making it beat fast. SO, I am sure that I bought into it, if Mom says that I am a nervous person...I guess that I am one. To be fair to her she thought that she was right? Years later when diagnosed by a cardiologist and having the surgery to correct it....I felt justified and told my Mother (I told you so!!!) But it was too late for me, the damage was done. I am bonafide. A world class worrier!
Sooooo, I have been through lots of disease scares. AIDS (I had blood transfusions after the birth of my twins), heart disease, all kinds of cancers, MS, and then twitching....ALS the Mother of them all! I was pretty much convinced each and everytime. I went through my own personal hell. I got some therapy and it would subside after each scare. I would laugh at myself, and KNOW that I would never be that stupid again. But, I was.
I twitched 15 years ago, I had no Internet then so I thought it was MS. Then 18 months ago (has it been that long)? I goggled up this misery. Then I found this site, and it made my life so much better. The wonderful people have put me together here many times. When I had no where to go, and didn't want to talk to anyone about it, as I was so embarrassed about the hypochondriac thing (As it turns out, I guess I didn't have to say anything. My kids made a joke about me constantly staring at my hands my main twitchers) I didn't even realize that I was doing it?? Well, I certainly didn't want to lose my credibility with my own kids, so I figured that I needed to believe that I was well. This board, and my own mind, coupled with what I do know about ALS has helped me have a life back.
I started to calm down, I started to have days of no worries about it, I skipped coming here 5 times a day, even once a day lots of times. I saw that 18 months later I gained (yikes) 16 pounds.....and was getting behind on my own life (not to mention a big behind). I started to live again. I began to take control. Guess what, my twitches become few and almost nonexistent. Yesterday, I must admit that my hand had a 5 minute twitchfest and I felt that old familiar fear, then I just said "oh F**k it, who has time for this c**p." And that was that. Yes, I guess BFS has caused excessive cursing too!
Well, this has been long and most likely a waste of your time reading it...but to sum up what I am trying to say ...if a lifelong worrier, hypochondriac who has let her life get out of control (and her body) can regain it, and get on the road to sanity, ANYONE CAN. Even you.
I didn't do it alone.....I had about 15 GOOD friends on this board pulling for me, helping me, and rooting for me all the way. I bless them all each and every day. They will never know what they did for me. SO this may be the Oscar speech that I always wanted to make.....but never will. But to feel like you beat ALS, is better than winning an Oscar. I hope they find a cure for that wretched disease, and will continue to donate and pray for that. One thing I know, no-one here has it and of that I am so sure....
God Bless you all....and I hope that I helped someone. I am going to limit my posts, as I feel that I have nothing to add at this point. I will check in often, I would miss lots of you too much!!
Love,
ristinaL91
I have not been posting too much lately. I am feeling a bit selfish about it, to tell you the truth. I hope to make amends today. This site helped me more than several therapists ever did.
I have to make this a long one....to understand me, we have to go back. I don't know exactly when or why, but I guess I have been a lifelong worrier and when wierd ( and sometimes not so wierd symptoms) would present a hypochondriac too. It is almost painful to say that. I have a friend who has teased me in public about being a hypochondriac, and I remember being furious and embarrassed (and defensive). I felt like telling him, well if you had the symptoms that I have, or had been through what I was through..you would be scared too! But then I guess I had to face it, I, AM hypochondriac, and an excessive worrier. I think that 99% of us on this board are. In my own mind I think that the twitches are made 100 times worse by stress.
There were definitely things in my life that were real and probably created my health anxieties. I had something called WPW (Wolfe Parkinson White Syndrome), it causes tachychardia at any given time...heartbeats up to 220 bpm. Pretty scary stuff...when I was young, I would tell my Mom. She would tell me, you are such a worrier, stop worrying...your making it beat fast. SO, I am sure that I bought into it, if Mom says that I am a nervous person...I guess that I am one. To be fair to her she thought that she was right? Years later when diagnosed by a cardiologist and having the surgery to correct it....I felt justified and told my Mother (I told you so!!!) But it was too late for me, the damage was done. I am bonafide. A world class worrier!
Sooooo, I have been through lots of disease scares. AIDS (I had blood transfusions after the birth of my twins), heart disease, all kinds of cancers, MS, and then twitching....ALS the Mother of them all! I was pretty much convinced each and everytime. I went through my own personal hell. I got some therapy and it would subside after each scare. I would laugh at myself, and KNOW that I would never be that stupid again. But, I was.
I twitched 15 years ago, I had no Internet then so I thought it was MS. Then 18 months ago (has it been that long)? I goggled up this misery. Then I found this site, and it made my life so much better. The wonderful people have put me together here many times. When I had no where to go, and didn't want to talk to anyone about it, as I was so embarrassed about the hypochondriac thing (As it turns out, I guess I didn't have to say anything. My kids made a joke about me constantly staring at my hands my main twitchers) I didn't even realize that I was doing it?? Well, I certainly didn't want to lose my credibility with my own kids, so I figured that I needed to believe that I was well. This board, and my own mind, coupled with what I do know about ALS has helped me have a life back.
I started to calm down, I started to have days of no worries about it, I skipped coming here 5 times a day, even once a day lots of times. I saw that 18 months later I gained (yikes) 16 pounds.....and was getting behind on my own life (not to mention a big behind). I started to live again. I began to take control. Guess what, my twitches become few and almost nonexistent. Yesterday, I must admit that my hand had a 5 minute twitchfest and I felt that old familiar fear, then I just said "oh F**k it, who has time for this c**p." And that was that. Yes, I guess BFS has caused excessive cursing too!
Well, this has been long and most likely a waste of your time reading it...but to sum up what I am trying to say ...if a lifelong worrier, hypochondriac who has let her life get out of control (and her body) can regain it, and get on the road to sanity, ANYONE CAN. Even you.
I didn't do it alone.....I had about 15 GOOD friends on this board pulling for me, helping me, and rooting for me all the way. I bless them all each and every day. They will never know what they did for me. SO this may be the Oscar speech that I always wanted to make.....but never will. But to feel like you beat ALS, is better than winning an Oscar. I hope they find a cure for that wretched disease, and will continue to donate and pray for that. One thing I know, no-one here has it and of that I am so sure....
God Bless you all....and I hope that I helped someone. I am going to limit my posts, as I feel that I have nothing to add at this point. I will check in often, I would miss lots of you too much!!
Love,
ristinaL91