hCapitalize
Well-known member
Today I have been back to my Dr and I demanded another neck scan, I also pretty much demanded the results of my two EMG/NCV tests, so I could compare. Well not surprisingly one set has gone missing (rather usual for me)My Dr agreed to another MRI without any protest however, the last neurologist I saw, has retired. (I had the notion that he was not exactly cutting edge when I saw him something over a year ago) Fortunately the system has changed so that my GP can now order an MRI direct without referring me to a gatekeeping neurologist first. Really I just want to see if anything has deteriorated as you cannot tell anything by one scan alone, as that says nothing about trends.I am rather angry because I am losing strength in my left arm. Of course I still pass the silly resistance tests, but then I would have done that when I was five years old, what is happening is that I do not have the strength and ability that I used to have in that arm. (of course as is ever the case my GP does not either). The atrophy in my left hand is undeniable, and that makes me angry because I do believe it was avoidable. I approached my Dr today in a different spirit to the way I have dealt with this in the past. In the past I was frightened and confused, and obsessed by projecting things too far into the worst case scenarios. I have in this last year lost an Uncle and an Aunt to cancer, and the only surviving Uncle I have has cancer too now, puts things into perspective does that.Today I just wanted a fair deal from my Dr, I wanted to be in control of the information and to look at it logically.You would think from this post that it is only my left side I am worried about. It is not, but it is the way of things that never mind carpal tunnell syndrome it is now arthritis that is making things difficult to a larger extent.However I am enjoying life, much more than when I was at the height of my anxieties and when I started posting here. I am stoical, I think I have had a raw deal from the NHS, and I am not standing for it any more 
The moral if any is, if you can overcome your anxieties, you are going to have a lot more leverage because you will be confident about yourself. The thing is inspite of this I just do not like my left hand, any more than I like my grey hair and growing baldness.Anyway a scan can only do one of two things, it can show that the discs in my neck have deteriorated since the last scan, and confirm that I am on a downward path (at least I would know for sure) or on the other hand if it did not show that, and showed that things were stable, then it would be smiles all round, I would have to conclude that the worst has already happened.It is summer, the weather is fine and if I don't see the winter (not that there is much chance that I won't) I should be happy enough, the worst prospect for the future isn't disability it is debt
The moral if any is, if you can overcome your anxieties, you are going to have a lot more leverage because you will be confident about yourself. The thing is inspite of this I just do not like my left hand, any more than I like my grey hair and growing baldness.Anyway a scan can only do one of two things, it can show that the discs in my neck have deteriorated since the last scan, and confirm that I am on a downward path (at least I would know for sure) or on the other hand if it did not show that, and showed that things were stable, then it would be smiles all round, I would have to conclude that the worst has already happened.It is summer, the weather is fine and if I don't see the winter (not that there is much chance that I won't) I should be happy enough, the worst prospect for the future isn't disability it is debt 
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