suchamingsuchaming12
Member
Hi, This has been a curious and tough journey...quick background again...i've always been a high anxiety/diagnosed with OCD, spent the last ten years obsessing over MS but have had two clear MRI's...I've moved on to obsessing about twitching...The last two months have been a tough, sad emotional battle, but things are looking up. My twitching has calmed a little, but most importantly, I'm learning to accept it a much better. I have been so thankful for this site and have relied on it frequently (although I read posts with one eye until I determine that it is a helpful post...sometimes I "learn" things from other posters who are at a similar point in their fear that cause me to be more fearful).I have tackled this anxiety over the twitching in a variety of methods - medical, pharmaceutical, complimentary, psychogically and pseudo-logically (which I'll start with). For some reason, I have found that my brain makes an attempt at being logical, i.e., i'm twitching i must have als...when in fact it's not logical at all. I have gathered a printed document of those helpful logical facts that seem to prove my anxiety-ridden brain wrong (BFS in a nutshell being one, along with supportive posts from this site as well as posts from other sites). Anyway, I've stopped searching as i've come across less than helpful stuff, but this has been a helpful tool that I keep in my purse and I pull it out when I get a reoccuring twitch that bothers me (the randoms don't bother me, it's a on-again, off-again twitch on my left bicep/tricep area that bugs me). I'm on 50 mg of Zoloft daily...which has helped with the anxiety, but the twitching may be a little more prevalent.I've changed my lifestyle - no preservatives, more natural foods, exercise, yoga...trying to live my life to focus on what I can control (which obviously isn't the twitching) and to stop wasting life looking at twitches and feeling for twitches and analyzing twitches. I have a very supportive PCP who won't let me get a EMG (after two MRI's he says enough is enough). His role is to monitor the zoloft and the anxiety and to reassure me that nothing is wrong. I see him every 30 days and sometimes want to see him sooner, but he has explained that this behavior isn't necessary and my condition doesn't warrant it. The last time I explained my theory of twitching to him and he said "It doesn't matter why you twitch, but rather that you do twitch and you will twitch and that there is nothing dangerous about the twitching." I replay that again and again in my head.So, life is improving. My theory for *my* twitching (for what it's worth) is that it's really based on my internal wiring, somehow related to my OCD/anxiety (which are both cousins to things like Tics and Tourettes). Maybe the Celexa or Lexapro I've used in the past loosened up the neuropathways in the brain that were already susceptible to this type of thing (for example, I never had a night sweat in my life until I started Celexa ten years ago and i continued to have night sweats ever since. my theory is that the celexa paved a path in the part of my brain that does that and it's somewhat permanent). My doctor doesn't think it matters what causes it, but it's reassuring to me to have a reason. And...also, I mentioned above the frustration of having no control over the twitches (lack of control - another OCD/anxiety trigger). I DO have control over my reaction to these twitches. I am so used to taking the path towards panic and anxiety and freaking out and doom and convincing myself that I'm somehow someone who will be the "one in a million." I am trying to choose a path towards a more blasé attitude about the twitching (like my husband when he has a twitch or a woman I overheard at a shower this weekend who was laughing because her cheek had been twitching for two months). I am trying to focus on my attitude and approach to life (this is easier to type when I'm not currently experience the shoulder twitch, but still). I'm trying to face more things in life with grace and courage (which seems really wimpy to try to be courageous about a shoulder twitch, but it's a battle for me). I'm trying not to let my mind go to that "place" of panic. I say over and over to myself "it's what it is, but it's nothing bad" or "this is what I do"...it's been working.So anyway, I thought I'd share my current phase in this battle. I appreciate the supportive words from the long timers who return to offer support. I'm trying to draw from their experience and get to that good emotional state sooner, thanks to their support.So, whatever it's worth....Suchamess (but a little less!)