Hey, zaklin88. When we are down, it seems like we have a myriad of ailments. The assaults seem to come from new directions, and instead of one problem, it feels like we have ten. Our reserves soon become depleted, and it doesn't take much in a day to make us feel run down.
I haven't written a truly indulgent post for a while, so please forgive me, because this one is all about me, in the hope of being some use to you and others. During my early adulthood, I was always to feel unwell. I had been a very happy person, and my feelings that I was unwell, that my health was compromised became extremely difficult. I had no skills with which to handle these new changes. What seem to precipitate these changes was a head injury I received in a car accident when I was seventeen. I don't want to regale you, or the board, with all my ancient details, but the scene was set for Basso to rail against the gods of health, or unhealth, whoever the hell they were. I went through doctors like the chocolate I stuffing in my face...to no avail. I suffered bronchial trouble, reflux, IBS, heart palpitations, a constant low-level depression, perpetual gland swelling under my arms, unrelenting fatigue, and sleep deprivation. Through all that I raised a family, had some happy moments, but wondered if I would ever achieve anything beyond short spurts of energy. Life was not joyless, but neither was it edifying, sustaining or fun. I had studied to sing opera, and I achieved some early success and things seemed set indeed. Then I lost my voice. I had to raise my girls somehow and so, being useless at anything save singing, I took a job as a janitor at an old folks home. It was fine at the beginning, but over time it killed my soul, and no one, not anyone in this entire world seemed to care. At least it appeared that way. I remember, the day before I quit that job, laying my head upon a rack of laundry at 5:30 in the morning, remembering my years of study in Italy, England, and Germany, and the how fun it had been to work in the theatre. The tears began, they flowed and flowed. A kindly old lady, who was completely senile, placed her hand on me, as she had no doubt done countless time for her own children, and rubbed my back.
I knew that changes were needed or I would be inhabiting a bed in that same institution soon, so I picked up the family and moved across the country. Things improved, but unfortunately, I had brought myself with me, and though my occupation was better, the old demons were still present. I still felt unwell. Fast forward....enter BFS. My two weeks of gripping fear ensued, but what followed that was total and complete elation. Our twitching, buzzing, shaking and shimmying syndrome had broken through a barrier, and that is when I began to see dramatic changes in my health for the better. By facing my death, I faced my life, and oh, how I would embrace it now. I was like the Israeli army, ever ready to respond and shoot down the demons of doubt and fear. I also knew how to keep the ball rolling and did so with gusto. Minutes never slipped by, because I was living them, feeling them, aching for them. I began to walk, at first around the block, but then miles and everywhere. I abandoned the car to my wife, and refused to ride in it, even in the nastiest of weather. It was invigorating, it made me feel truly alive...it still does. The weight fell off me, and at forty-five I found myself in truly great shape. The swelling under my arms disappeared, the fatigue went away, in fact, I had too much energy. If this had been for a few months then it might have been an aberration, but two years later, I am still cruising like a maniac and have gone through even more incredible changes. Once one thing positive happens, the momentum is unstoppable.
I told you that I had gone to many doctors, and none of them could help. I was depressed, and that was that. Of course I was f*cking depressed, I was sick! That's what I thought. However, it wasn't my body that was sick, it was my spirit, my psyche, my response to how the world had treated me. (Too long of a story, that one.
) ) What bfs did was show me that my life was in MY hands. Not the doctors, not my wife, and not in the countless books I had read in turning a person's life around. Does it sound simple, well OMG, it is, and it is within each and everyone of you to have it, starting today.
After a year and a half of feeling so fine, so alive, I fell in love.
I suddenly realized how much I loved life, and an even more amazing journey began. I'll save that for another thread, maybe...or not. LOL
Hmm, at the beginning I really only wanted to say that although it seems like everything is stacked against us, it is really only one thing...our spirit. That essence of who we are, that distilled piece of heaven in all of us that sparked life. That is where the connection lies, and that is where our true health resides.
Basso
