Carrilicious
Well-known member
Hello to all my helpful and adoring friends,
I hope you are all doing well. I took a short break after my last and 2nd emg. I was treading on thin ice after the test and was wondering why the fear was still not subsiding. I was better but not really. It was not what I expected. I felt I was almost in a worse place then before the test. I know it sounds strange but I wasn't doing well at all.
I started self examining again and was finding spots that seemed to me to be atrophy. I was spinning out of control again. I was hiding my fears from everyone except someone I had been talking to via e-mail. I made yet another appt with my original neuro and went with my daughter. I showed him the spots on my hand, feet, and my leg size being different. He examined me AGAIN and did strength testing AGAIN and said no those were not atrophy spots. He said I was very strong.
He said I am becoming VERY concerned with you. I said why can't I shake this. He couldn't give me an answer. He said some people become obsessed with certain illness's and I chose this one. I also said to him If I were his wife what would he say to me. He said Carri if you were my wife, sister, whatever I would say you do not have als but you are losing control. You need to get a grip on this or you going to lose it completely. He then looked at my 4 year old, oblivious to her mothers fears, (well I'm sure oblivious is the wrong choice of words) and said you eventually are going to hurt your children if you don't take control. He made sense. He then perscribed to me more of my anti-depressants. He wanted me to take 3 a day instead of 2.
I walked out of there and said, *beep* you Carri why are you ruining your life like this? I couldn't answer my own question. I realized I need to see a Phsyciatrist instead of a counselor. I am looking into this today. I am also seeing my GP Wed to ask about the meds. I don't want to start getting meds from different docs. I need everyone on the same page.
This has completely taken over my existance but something different happened that day and I have been a bit better ever since. Don't get me wrong I am not even close to being over this but I feel I have to TAKE back my life, twitching and all. I guess the hard part is realizing it may never go away. I am into my 7th month of this and am no worse. I have seen now 8 neuros and have had 2 emgs. (1 of which was extremly thorough! OUCH) There is NOTHING more anyone can do for me except ME.
I have this unfound fear and maybe it will never completely go away. I need to work at it on a daily basis and go back to seeing my counselor.
I decided to take a break from the site these few weeks and my husband and I went away. We then took a short trip to Palm Springs with the kids. I had a great time.
I'm back and now reality sets in. This is where the testing starts.
I just wanted to let you all know where I was at and keep you informed. I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I am here and love all of your support.
For any newbies here this is an amazing place and has been a godsend. I only hope in time I can be the helper instead of the help-ie. Maybe over time.
Love you all with all that I am, Carri
I hope you are all doing well. I took a short break after my last and 2nd emg. I was treading on thin ice after the test and was wondering why the fear was still not subsiding. I was better but not really. It was not what I expected. I felt I was almost in a worse place then before the test. I know it sounds strange but I wasn't doing well at all.
I started self examining again and was finding spots that seemed to me to be atrophy. I was spinning out of control again. I was hiding my fears from everyone except someone I had been talking to via e-mail. I made yet another appt with my original neuro and went with my daughter. I showed him the spots on my hand, feet, and my leg size being different. He examined me AGAIN and did strength testing AGAIN and said no those were not atrophy spots. He said I was very strong.
He said I am becoming VERY concerned with you. I said why can't I shake this. He couldn't give me an answer. He said some people become obsessed with certain illness's and I chose this one. I also said to him If I were his wife what would he say to me. He said Carri if you were my wife, sister, whatever I would say you do not have als but you are losing control. You need to get a grip on this or you going to lose it completely. He then looked at my 4 year old, oblivious to her mothers fears, (well I'm sure oblivious is the wrong choice of words) and said you eventually are going to hurt your children if you don't take control. He made sense. He then perscribed to me more of my anti-depressants. He wanted me to take 3 a day instead of 2.
I walked out of there and said, *beep* you Carri why are you ruining your life like this? I couldn't answer my own question. I realized I need to see a Phsyciatrist instead of a counselor. I am looking into this today. I am also seeing my GP Wed to ask about the meds. I don't want to start getting meds from different docs. I need everyone on the same page.
This has completely taken over my existance but something different happened that day and I have been a bit better ever since. Don't get me wrong I am not even close to being over this but I feel I have to TAKE back my life, twitching and all. I guess the hard part is realizing it may never go away. I am into my 7th month of this and am no worse. I have seen now 8 neuros and have had 2 emgs. (1 of which was extremly thorough! OUCH) There is NOTHING more anyone can do for me except ME.
I have this unfound fear and maybe it will never completely go away. I need to work at it on a daily basis and go back to seeing my counselor.
I decided to take a break from the site these few weeks and my husband and I went away. We then took a short trip to Palm Springs with the kids. I had a great time.
I'm back and now reality sets in. This is where the testing starts.
I just wanted to let you all know where I was at and keep you informed. I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I am here and love all of your support.
For any newbies here this is an amazing place and has been a godsend. I only hope in time I can be the helper instead of the help-ie. Maybe over time.
Love you all with all that I am, Carri
