sodapoppin
New member
This is my second post today. Apologies and all that but I seem to be really not up to the struggle suddenly. My nerve syndrome came in over the last few months. Fours years of tough but reasonable stressors ramped up this last year with some really sad events that i suspect i am having a tough time adjusting. I lived in an intense commune surrounded by activity and people, father of three, married twenty years to childhood love. She went thru some traumatic events as a child and as they surfaced completely I lost her in a peaceful but incomprehensible divorce. Then job shortage forced a move away from the kids for a only a brief six months but the shifting from full surrounded life to mild isolation set lose alot of grief and anxiety. Especially health as I am still the only family and support for these kids and I really on my nerves and muscles completely as a carpenter. Also I feel a strange fear of losing a chance to begin again when I want it very much and see so much wonder to explore. And i have begun to fulfill a dream of playing the violin and was making real strides. Enter the twitches.
I think since the summer I was having the fine twitches but sense them as interanl shakiness. Then a deltoid twitch very hard and visible non stop for a couple weeks. As that one subsided I began waking each night about 3 or 4 feeling like there was a motor leaning against me somewhere. Then last week sporadic twitch here or there and cramp like feelings in arches and forearm. It all got worse when someone stole many thousands from our building project and the project got put on hold. Added to the above was out of work and no place to saty for a few weeks. Back working just today and it was tough. everything shaking and weak seemingly. Though like all bfs fools I pick up heavy stuff and do random push ups and heel walks. My large isolated twitches have eased but my fast fine ones in my hands scare the hell out of me. I have really gotten this ALS thing deep into my psyche and its begining to blot out the sun. Pathetic it sounds I know but I am hoping that writing this will snap me out of it.
Saw a neuro last week. He said saw nothing to worry about but scheduled emg for surety. A week seems like a year under this mess. I wonder if I list my reasons for fear that some one might offer some thing hopeful. I have been a rational and upbeat soul for 41 years. My mind was always my gift and my strength. Lately not so much. Humbling it is to see how easy things can fall apart.
1) I am terrified of the fast barely noticable trembling/twitches as for some reason I imagine these as the ones nueros notice as als. Did not have these on my checkup day.
2)Read that als is more likely in lean muscle folks. I am a former triathalete with an unusually lean muscle system.
3) After working today arches and forarms feel on the edge of cramps. Just typing this brings weak feeling and twitches in hands.
4) Learned that you can present with twitches first in rare cases.
5) I am just *beep* beaten by this today. sos. mercy. too many folks depend on me but i keep imagining the whole slow wasting death bit.
I promise i am going to find a professional to talk to but it may be a week as well. Any kind words would be appreciated.
One positive thing in all this is the way this forum functions as a free association and offers so much patient help kindles some pride in humanity. Even some doctors help out on here. Thats really strong.
Again, in the scope of life's trials I have no complaints to carry the twitches and cramps into the future. Its the terror of the als that is the beast. As my hamstrings begin to cramp....
forgive the long post...
drew
I think since the summer I was having the fine twitches but sense them as interanl shakiness. Then a deltoid twitch very hard and visible non stop for a couple weeks. As that one subsided I began waking each night about 3 or 4 feeling like there was a motor leaning against me somewhere. Then last week sporadic twitch here or there and cramp like feelings in arches and forearm. It all got worse when someone stole many thousands from our building project and the project got put on hold. Added to the above was out of work and no place to saty for a few weeks. Back working just today and it was tough. everything shaking and weak seemingly. Though like all bfs fools I pick up heavy stuff and do random push ups and heel walks. My large isolated twitches have eased but my fast fine ones in my hands scare the hell out of me. I have really gotten this ALS thing deep into my psyche and its begining to blot out the sun. Pathetic it sounds I know but I am hoping that writing this will snap me out of it.
Saw a neuro last week. He said saw nothing to worry about but scheduled emg for surety. A week seems like a year under this mess. I wonder if I list my reasons for fear that some one might offer some thing hopeful. I have been a rational and upbeat soul for 41 years. My mind was always my gift and my strength. Lately not so much. Humbling it is to see how easy things can fall apart.
1) I am terrified of the fast barely noticable trembling/twitches as for some reason I imagine these as the ones nueros notice as als. Did not have these on my checkup day.
2)Read that als is more likely in lean muscle folks. I am a former triathalete with an unusually lean muscle system.
3) After working today arches and forarms feel on the edge of cramps. Just typing this brings weak feeling and twitches in hands.
4) Learned that you can present with twitches first in rare cases.
5) I am just *beep* beaten by this today. sos. mercy. too many folks depend on me but i keep imagining the whole slow wasting death bit.
I promise i am going to find a professional to talk to but it may be a week as well. Any kind words would be appreciated.
One positive thing in all this is the way this forum functions as a free association and offers so much patient help kindles some pride in humanity. Even some doctors help out on here. Thats really strong.
Again, in the scope of life's trials I have no complaints to carry the twitches and cramps into the future. Its the terror of the als that is the beast. As my hamstrings begin to cramp....
forgive the long post...
drew