Dealing with Health Anxiety

I have always had health anxiety to some degree, but it got much worse after I had a questionable mammogram last year, which fortunately turned out to be alright. After that and all of these symptoms, that is what triggered my fear of just about everything it COULD be. I worry(ied) about:

Lymphoma
Leukemia
Brain tumor
Stroke
Liver/pancreatic disease
Heart disease
Thyroid
Uterine/Ovarian cancer
Multiple Sclerosis
Lupus
Parkinson's
ALS
Huntington's Disease
Alzheimer's

The list could go on and on, but I don't want to bore everyone!!

ristinaL91,

I have been a total hypo since I was a child. My father had a heart attack at 37 when I was just 5 then he died at age 47 from heart surgery.

I think that triggered it. I saw the fear and panic in my mother and knew something was terribly wrong. Why couldn't I die too?

I have had numerous encounters but have recently found some peace. Basso was the catalyst but the answer was in not fighting any longer. I just gave it over to God realizing I have no control anyway. If I have als or a tumor or parkinson's or whatever - so what - que sera sera. That's the trip. Once you find that space you will find that you have control in not having it. Interesting paradox. Now keeping in that space...there's the tough one

MarksmanS

Me being a psychology major, I would have to say that this affliction could be categorized as a psychosomatic disorder for most us. It seems my emotional states definitely determine the severity and duration of my symptoms, when I'm feeling relaxed and not even thinking about the twitching, nothing happens, but when I think about it, or how I suddenly haven't been twitching in a certain spot lately, that spot seems to flare up directly after. It's really amazing how the brain can affect the body so much, but then again, it is a part of our body.

This turning into a philosophical forum topic, I wonder why some of you believe that this twitching or other forms of disease are as you've said grace from god, or in god's control? Why would a loving god create these horrendous diseases? I always find it baffling especially after these latest natural disasters that people can thank god for them being alive when he supposedly is the cause of all of the destruction. Just a thought.

IMHO -

The grace of God to which you refer is not to the creation or execution of diseases, disasters, etc. which are by definition horrifying, almost inhuman and create unthinkable suffering.

The grace of God to which many of us refer is that for those of faith, what happens in this world, and the fate which befalls us (why we die - and yes, we ALL die) is insignificant due to the hope of eternal life and the gift of a spirit which will live well beyond the physical existence of the here and now. Does it make suffering a "gift"? No. But as so many folks on here, led by Basso and several others, have so eloquently put it, when we find that something, whatever it is, that helps us -- as living creatures by definition terrified of personal annihilation by whatever means -- accept the unknown for what it is, and embrace the here and now for how truly precious and important it is in the context of our notion of "life", it then becomes very clear that to the extent any of these horrible things help us recognize the presence of God and the hope of eternal life as true meaning and shed the "captivity" of a life under a shadow of fear of the unknown and desperation for control of things that can't be controlled, then the point is clear.

I have my moments when I relapse in "doubt" - - it is natural. But quite honestly, it is incredible for me to think of what the true meaning and power of each day that I wake up is, given that it is but one short step in a much bigger picture that I cannot conceive to know or control. I now live in a much fuller context, appreciating the importance of each moment of life, but not in a "carpe diem" way that sacrifices the even greater importance of accepting God's plan for me and the possibility of a much longer, and IMHO more beautiful road ahead for all of us.

Whether we go peacefully in 50 years or "horribly" in three, I believe what people are saying is that those details, which are not in our control, are rendered nearly insignificant when you find this type of true context in your life. Does it mean any of us should want to fall victim to this dreaded disease - of course no. Does it mean it isn't tragic and "unfair" when loved ones are lost to disasters -- hardly. But when the end is painted in the context of a beginning, of new life eternal, these things take on a far different hue. God's plan for all of us: live, love, help one another, prepare, die. There are no relevant details such as where we live, who we love, what specific thing causes our death, etc.

Confusing? Probably made this all harder to understand/sort out...sorry. Just my $.02

JG

If god supposedly has a "plan" for us, wouldn't that be an infringement of free will? And if he has a plan than we must not have free will, or brings another question of why god would then give life to those unbelieving or doubting, like myself. Because god being all knowing (omniscient) he would already know what choice we will make in life about him and would just be giving life to me, so I could die and supposedly burn in hell. I treasure life just as much as you, for believing in life being just what we have now, really makes me appreciate everyday I have. And if you are just going to go to eternal bliss in the next life, what is this step called life for, it just seems like unnecessary suffering to me.

Basso too late realized that the aliens chasing him were actually his mom and dad, and instantly regretted having fired the ray gun at them.

I have been treated for anxiety and depression which has nearly always manifested as health anxiety. I have made a personal decision to try to deal with this without medication since a little over a year ago.

I don't know a lot for sure, but I do know that I (and I suspect others with the same problem) have an exquisitely sensitive awareness of body states. Most people don't notice their heartbeats, but often I do. Most people don't notice twitches, but once it became an issue in my household, everyone was reporting twitches from time to time. Every twitch, buzz, pain, "weakness" and blip is going to somehow get past the filters that keep the rest of the world blissfully unaware of the bubbling, self-propelled meat soup their consciousnesses inhabit.

I have something called "mitral valve prolapse." It is like a mild heart murmur. Benign. Yet it is often associated with a syndrome that includes anxiety, fatigue and a lot of other things that one could not realistically link to the bare physical findings. One of the more intriguing ideas is that the little physical variation in the heart valve is reallly just a "marker" that suggests some widespread, subtle difference in the way some people are made, including the way their brains and nervous systems are "wired."

Before my PVCs were diagnosed, I was told I had "panic disorder." Yeah, you tend to panic when your heartrate goes up to 250 Now I'm on atenolol and don't have the problem anymore. So there was a physical component to my "psychological problem." Both were real, but the physical component was not as threatening as it seemed.

I have also read that in people with OCD, certain parts of the brain run "hotter" (as evidenced by increased blood flow on a PET scan). I am seeing this less as a "mental problem" or a "physical problem" as a "mind-body" problem.

Interestingly, once I decide I have another disease, I forget about the previous ones. I bet this is common. My brain doesn't care exactly what it has to freak out about. Anything will do. The cycle of awareness-anxiety-checking-reassurance is the same. There was a time I took my temperature mulitiple times an hour. Now I do a strength test. This is classic OCD, from my understanding.

I think I'm "wired different." I think there are things that cause real symptoms, like twitching and perceived weakness (really fatigue). Sitting at my desk all day, or driving are two things I KNOW will cause my to get more symptomatic. But, due to my different wiring, my brain does not filter these things out from my consciousness, but amplifies them and injects them right into the cortex.

Paradoxically, I have sometimes gotten relief from just saying "Okay, I give up. I accept the fact that I have [whatever]. Today, though, I can still walk around, so I'm not going to waste it." When I pay really close attention to what is going on, the distress I experience revolves around the symptoms themselves, and their import, the uncertainty that fear rushes to fill while masked as certainty of the worst. (I assume that, when our anxiety is at highest, all of us 100% positive of the worst. I'd be curious for feedback on that, because I think that sets one sort of problem off from another. It's natural to be scared about something, but a feeling of absolute certainty of the worst is a different animal, I think.)

I have been dealing with the current issue in one way or another for seven months. Most of the information I have read indicates I will be moving beyond the time period when I should be noticing something other than twitches and hard-to-pin-down sensations of fatigue or "weakness." At some point next year, I hope I'll my self-reassurance will carry enough "real world" weight to keep me from going to pieces from time to time about this. I suspect, though, that something else will come along.

We have a calve and an upper leg that are joined together by a knee, but are they not of the same leg? Is it not their function to work in tandem, each one supporting the other in one fashion or another? If part of the leg is injured does it not affect the leg as a whole?
In this same way, if a part of our mind is suffering does it not stand to reason that the others parts may be thrown off kilter as a result? I believe this to be so. For this reason I am unable to believe that the culprit, the fear monger, can be identified as either the conscious or the sub-conscious. In any event, if we could construct a case for either part of the brain, how would it help us? Would we then be able to design an intervention that would render us fearless and hence regard, with detachment, the foibles that our mind might conceive of? With due respect, I sincerely doubt it.

Imagery is helpful but in the end it is artifice, a crutch and therefore incapable of creating a permanent state, or even semi-permanent state of equilibrium; and is that what we would want anyway? What I have noted in my short and humble journey we call life is that there is an intangible nature or effort to many things. This effort, or force if you will, is what takes the technique of a brilliant violinist and renders it capable of moving people. Without “it” technique cannot move beyond the remarkable to the glorious, in a word it allows the violinist to transcends even him/herself. No amount of practice, dedication or talent will duplicate the result of a performance spurred thus. We cannot see gravity and yet it’s presence is undeniable, in the same way there is a force that, though unseen, drives the biological morass that comprises us. There is an unquenchable fire that impels life to be alive and contrives, by it’s very nature to be vital. It is my belief that when this inner fire becomes oppressed, for whatever reason, that it is then that we encounter the problems that so trouble us, we become in effect unwell. How can one stoke an intangible fire, rekindle an invisible force?

I believe that if we can recognize this force in the world around us, that in turn the profundity of our own nature is recognized. I am instantly reminded of when my daughters were born, I felt so full, so connected to a joy that gave pause to nothing and no one. However, this intangible driver abounds and can be found in even the humblest of places. Have you looked into the eyes of the person you love, have you not felt steeped in reverence, in abandon, and awe? This can be the beginning, the start of a crusade that resurrects the part of us, which is a part of all. If we can sing this serenade that springs from our heart then we not only have a chance at healing but will have started the healing process; for by it’s very nature the “ah” of life must be.

Sometimes when I have posted to people, I have cried as I have done so. I have cried to let out that which hurt and to reach out to that unknown friend that I share this planet with. I have also smiled through many postings, as I am now; rewarded by the life force that dwells with in. If we imbibe in the things that are life-filled, life-giving, then surely we must be touched by this force, this grace that inexplicably we are a part of.

Basso

Oh Basso, you made me forget my aches and pains with your post.....like furballfury's great massage your letter made me forget for a minute. It also made me blush I felt like a 20 something girl instead of a 40 something girl for a minute, thanks. I don't like that fact that I broke your heart ! It is such a big heart.....but I doubt that I could ever even come close to the wonderful posts that you have put on here.

Pug (sorry to give you a nickname that you may not want) your letter was beautiful, I have had one of my most painful and twitchy weeks in a long time.....first thing tomorrow after taking the kids to school, and dropping the dog off at the groomer I am calling and making an appointment for a massage.

Is this ALL in our minds, gosh (oops)golly....I hope so. At this point I would rather be crazy than have..... well you all know.

ristinaL91

I was having minor health anxiety leading up to it, but a tetanus shot in July caused me to completely break down. First I thought it was serum sickness...then I became terrified of Guillan Barre Syndrome. Then brachial neuritis...then rheumatoid arthritis, which my mother has. Then fibromyalgia, when the insomnia started...but I started sleeping again, and the shooting pains went away. Then the twitching started, and I found this place when I was looking for possible causes of 'snapping joints'.

I felt worse for a week, then better. My symptoms have waxed and waned...but recently the shooting pains have returned, and new cramping. Fibromyalgia is the fear du jour.

Unlike most of you, I never feared ALS. Dying is the least of my worries...what worries me is pain and disability. And it looks like I've worried myself into a lifetime's worth.

occasins – I’m familiar with sleep paralysis, which is caused by the brain. The rest of your experience sounds like a possible OBE, some of which may have been subjective and some objective. There is no doubt that the brain can and does cause hallucinations. Even when actual “astral perception” does occur (either in or out of the body), there are times when the perceptions get distorted and not correctly relayed to the conscious mind, or are not consciously “remembered” at all. Bruce describes this problem nicely, based on years of hands on experimenting, which is one of the reasons that I read his book.

There is one form of “astral perception” that I can say without a doubt is real. That’s remote viewing (a form of clairvoyance). I personally witnessed and documented a series of informal remote viewing “experiments” where someone I had never met, hundreds of miles away, accurately described unique objects in my home (not lamps or chairs) via email sketches and descriptions. In no way is remote viewing like having a television camera remotely installed. The mechanism of perception, as in all psychic phenomena is the subconscious mind (yes, that again). The ability to relay the information to the conscious mind is what distinguishes natural psychics, such as medium Allison Dubois for example (who participated in the Afterlife Experiments with Prof. Gary Schwartz), from other people who have not developed the ability. We all experience psychic perceptions every day, but almost never register them consciously. For this reason, I don’t even like referring to this phenomena as paranormal—it’s normal, but misunderstood. Even by some parapsychologists who claim to study it. I have also witnessed other uses of psychic perception (and intuition) that are far more interesting and useful than remote viewing.

My wife actually had an experience like yours when she was a young girl and never forgot it. Here’s a related and amusing true story by a television journalist and member of the Hawaii Remote Viewers Guild, that happened to him as a kid:



Anyway, sorry to hear about your new symptoms. You might want to give alpha lipoic acid a try (see other posts by 12Drifter12 and Maryanne).

Cheers,
-Bill

HI I am new to this forum but I have found some interesting things about bfs on other sites-- me personally- have thought i have brain tumor, melanoma, luekemia, MS, anthrax, meningitis and the list goes on and on...

Some interesting facts about BFS- there is actually a strong anxiety component to this...many people fear having a nuerological problem and the anxiety that goes with the twitching seems to clinch the diagnosis. I am not saying that it is typical for every sufferer. Anyway, many people will have a fear of their health and it is because there is a chemical that causes both anxiety and twitching in the nuerotransmitters in the brain. It tends to occur in anxious people because they are more sensitive to these sort of things.

I have huge health related anxiety for all sorts of imagined illnesses too. But you know what's funny? In reality I only have one REAL problem beside my pinched nerve- high blood pressure. And I don't have any anxiety about my blood pressure, which will kill me if I don't watch my diet and exercise...

funny how the mind works.